


Welcome Home, Tord

by CJCroen1393



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: But he can change between human and vampire at will, Edd and Eduardo still have superpowers, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Matt's still a vampire, Tord Redemption, that's literally all I plan on this story to be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-10-24 23:59:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17714153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: After ending Tord's desperate bid for revenge, Edd brings him back home, determined to make things better. Tom thinks he's being too optimistic, Eduardo thinks he's an idiot and Matt thinks being in vampire form for extended periods sucks because he can't see his reflection. And maybe Tom and Eduardo are right. But Edd's still going to try.For the simple reason that he knows there was a time when Tord was truly his friend.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So sorry for the lack of activity, everyone! I've been suffering severe writer's block and also lots and lots of laziness.
> 
> On the upside, guess who finally got around to watching Eddsworld? That's right, me!
> 
> I only just got into Eddsworld and I already have three Tord Redemption fic ideas. One of them takes place during a zombie apocalypse, but I feel like I might've plagiarized "Lastworld" by writing that one, so this is the first and maybe only one I'll publish.
> 
> There's literally nothing to this fic but Tord Redemption, btw. There's an epic fight scene at the beginning, but that's it. The rest is just gonna be Edd, Tom and Matt trying to rehabilitate Tord. I just feel like Tord was BEGGING for a redemption after "The End". His expression at the end of the episode somehow managed to be a mix of "I will be back for revenge!" and "I guess our friendship really is over, huh?" Plus, "WTFuture" implies that the future versions of Edd, Tom and Matt are on good terms with Tord/Red Leader. See? They're destined to reconcile with him! The new Eddisodes are still in limbo, but if the show comes back, I doubt we'll have seen the last of Tord...and I doubt he'll stay a bad guy for long.
> 
> So enjoy my take on Tord getting a redemption! Enjoy!

Two streaks of green light soared through the sky as a battle raged through the city, a battle between a superhero, a supervillain, a vampire, a giant robot...and a man with a harpoon gun and no eyes.

If one asked how this happened, the answer would be impossible to say. In general, it seemed like a totally unlikely scenario in and of itself, but it was happening and it was every bit as bizarre as it sounded.

Surprisingly, the supervillain wasn't the one being fought here. Rather, the supervillain was helping the hero fight. The duo's target was the giant red robot, with their attacks differing in intensity--the villain's attacks were considerably more intense and vicious, the hero was more focused on both keeping the robot from causing too much unnecessary harm, getting civilians out of the way of its rampage and, oddly enough, speaking to it. 

"Tord!" he called out, "Please, we need to talk about all this!"

The villain swooped in again, landing another attack and bellowing "THAT WAS FOR JON!"

\----

The vampire rested in the shade of a metal fixture on the roof, next to the eyeless man with the harpoon gun.

"How you holding up, Tom?" the vampire asked, looking at the other man as he loaded another harpoon into the gun.

"Honestly, Matt, I'll be feeling better once Sunshine Lollipops is crying on his knees over the remains of his precious new robot..." the eyeless man responded as he took aim and fired a harpoon, "INCOMING!"

The hero and the villain flew out of the way upon hearing this as the harpoon flew toward the giant robot. Unfortunately, the robot evidently saw the attack coming and caught the harpoon before it could hit.

"Ha!" said a voice from the robot, "Classic stupid Tom! You really thought I would fall for that again!?"

The robot tried to fire at Tom, only for Matt to grab him and get him out of the way. Matt shielded Tom from the ensuing explosion with his cape, at the cost that his skin got burned a little in the light.  
"You okay, Matt?" asked Tom, looking a bit surprised.

"I'll be fine!" said Matt, smiling but also wincing a little, "It'll heal when I change back!"

\----

Meanwhile, the hero and the villain were still circling around the robot. The villain was about to land another punch when the hero raised a hand to stop him, turning to address the robot.

"Tord!" shouted the hero, once again, "Listen! It's me, Edd! I don't want to fight you! I just want to talk! Please! It doesn't have to be like this! We can go back to the old days! You know we used to be friends, right? Tord?"

The robot looked up at Edd, and he could already tell that there was someone inside it glaring at him. The robot paused, but then Edd heard a voice emanating from it. 

"SHUT UP!" shouted a voice from the robot, "I told you! I don't NEED friends when I have THIS, my new and improved Giant Robot! I'll be UNSTOPPABLE and I won't let you imbeciles get in my way!"

The robot once again transformed its hand into a giant gun and fired another missile at Edd. In a flash of green, the missile was blocked by the supervillain, who proceeded to crush it and throw it into the air, where it disappeared into the ether.

"Edd!" shouted the supervillain, "Why are you trying to talk to him!? He's a murderer! We need to FIGHT him!"

"Eduardo..." began Edd, but he was interrupted by the robot slamming a hand into him, sending him hurdling to the ground.

Eduardo responded accordingly, swooping down to attack the robot.

\----

Meanwhile, back on the building, Matt and Tom looked on, Tom holding a black umbrella over Matt to shield him from the sun. 

"They're getting their butts kicked!" said Matt, sadly, "What'll we do?"

Tom looked at the scene before him and realized there was something he could do...

"Matt...remember that one Halloween, when I said was possessed?"

"Yeah?"

"Well...I could turn into something that could end this fight."

"Wait, really? That's great! Why don't you do it!"

"Because...I'm not good at controlling it, I can't do it by choice...it's usually when I feel REALLY mad..."

"Really?"

"Yeah, so I'm not sure if I can OW!"

Matt had just punched him in the face.

"What was that!?"

Matt just smiled serenely as he punched Tom again. And again. And again.

"Stop it, Matt! You're really ticking me off!"

The punching continued, until Tom's protests started to become a distorted growl...and then his voice faded into darkness as his form began to change.

\----

Eduardo helped Edd up as Tord's robot continued to advance upon them.

"You okay, Edd?" asked Eduardo.

"I'm fine, I'm fine..." said Edd.

"Stop RIGHT there."

Edd and Eduardo looked up to see two men in blue uniforms, one with large eyebrows and a cigarette in his mouth, the other with long, feathery bangs and an angry scowl. Both of them were pointing guns at the superpowered men.

"Don't even bother with your powers, boys," said Paul, "we've had years of training with these things. You'll be dead before you can even hit the ground."

Eduardo gave a hearty laugh and said "How do you know one of our powers ain't being bullet proof?"

He was promptly grazed on the arm with a bullet.

"OW!"

"That answers that." said Patryck, blowing the steam off the barrel of his gun.

"Tord!" said Edd, "You don't have to do this!"

"Uh, yeah I do!" said Tord's voice from the robot, "You're the biggest obstacle in my world domination plans! Therefore you must be eliminated!"

"Please, Tord! We used to be friends, remember? Just listen to us, please!"

"Sorry, Edd," said Tord, producing a gun from his Giant Robot, "but the world isn't gonna take over itself! Farewell, old friend!"

Edd and Eduardo stared up at Tord's gun. Edd felt sorrow, Eduardo felt anger. The gun's barrel began to glow as the duo stared at him. If the missile didn't kill them, Paul and Patryck would open fire.

Before they could, however, there was a loud roar.

And Paul screamed "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?"

Edd and Eduardo turned around to see a huge black monster with a massive mouth, a single black eye socket and a pair of purple horns started charging towards them. Riding on the monster's back was Matt, still in vampire form and holding his umbrella with a smile.

"ROOOAR!!! TOM'S A MONSTER!" shouted Matt, happily.

" ** _ToRd!!_** " bellowed the monster, furiously.

"Is...Is that...?" asked Tord, but before he should say anything, the monster that was once Tom leaped onto the robot and knocked it down.

"Tom!?" said Edd, looking shocked. Paul and Patryck tried to attack the monster, only for Matt to jump down with a smirk.

"Hey guys, you wanna be vampires?"

Sure enough, Paul and Patryck screamed as Matt grabbed them and started biting.

Meanwhile, the monster had managed to tear into Tord's robot, peeling away its armor like the outer shell or skin of a fruit; Tord tried to fight, desperately hitting Tom with everything he could, but his monster form was too powerful. Tom managed to break through the glass window of Tord's robot and grabbed him by the collar.

" ** _TORD!!!!_** " roared Tom as he gripped the boy in red. Tord struggled in his grip, as Tom tossed him into the air and slammed him back into his Robot's cockpit with enough force to smash the interior completely. Tord scowled furiously and was about to try and get up only to realize he was injured. Tom, meanwhile, had proceeded to pin him down, a fist raised, ready to finish him off.

"TOM NO!" shouted a voice.

Tom stopped and turned to see Edd, flying towards him. Before Tom could say anything, swooped in and said "I'm sorry in advance for this, Tom, but it's the only way I can think to change you back!"

With that, he hit Tom, causing him to drop to the ground and shift back to normal. Edd proceeded to walk over to Tord, who Tom had dropped back in the ruined robot.

"Tord," said Edd, "will you listen to us now? Please, Tord, let us help you."

Tord looked up at him, furrowing his brow, then gave a broken sounding laugh.

"Heh, so this was your game, huh?" asked Tord, "Wait until I'm at my lowest, then force me to join you again? Take me back once I've returned to being useless? Well it's not going down like that..."

He struggled to get up, only to collapse again.

"I...I can fix my robot...I can cure Paul and Patryck's vampirism...I can..."

Tord cringed as he dropped down to the busted cockpit, and Edd held out a hand.

"Tord...please...let us take you home...let us help you...let's make things like old times...for real this time."

Tord scowled again, and smacked Edd's hand away...but he collapsed again, cringing again. Then he chuckled brokenly again.

"I-I don't have a choice...do I?"

Edd sighed. He didn't want Tord to feel like he was being forced or anything. He just wanted him to be friends again. But...if this was what he had to do, then perhaps that was the best chance they had.

"I suppose not. Come home with us, Tord. We'll fix you up. It'll be just like old times."

"Edd," said an angry Eduardo, "you can't be serious! He's a murderer!"

Edd ignored him as Matt walked up to them, having transformed back to his human form, as he helped Edd pick up Tord.

"Edd..." groaned Tord...who promptly slipped into unconsciousness.

Edd sighed again as he picked Tord up with a sad smile. 

"Come on, Tord," he said, "it's time to come home. We'll fix you up."

"That's it, I'm out!" said Eduardo, "You wanna forgive a murderer, that's on you! But if I had things my way, he'd be in Hell right now for what he did to Jon!"

With that, Eduardo flew off. Matt looked at Tom.

"Isn't Jon a ghost now, though?" asked Matt.

"Yeah." said Tom.

"Let's go," said Edd, "I think Tord has some broken bones, and he's bleeding pretty bad."

"And what about us!?" demanded the now vampirized Paul.

"Here! You'll need these!"

Matt handed Paul and Patryck a pair of black umbrellas. The two of them glared at him as the group headed off together.

"Edd," asked Tom, "are you sure we should do this? I mean...are you sure we can trust him?"

"Tom has a point, Edd," said Matt, nervously, "he did hurt my face, after all!"

"Yes," said Edd, smiling, "He was our friend once. I know he wasn't lying. We can make things better for him. All we need to do is bring him back home."

There was a pause, and Tom sighed. 

"I don't think this'll work, Edd...but I trust you. Let's go."

The trio heads home with their unconscious friend. Edd knew what he was doing. Things would get better, he knew it.

It was time to heal.

To be continued...


	2. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this fic got pretty good reception pretty quickly, so here's chapter 2!
> 
> After this, I'm thinking I'll switch gears to my other fics (and maybe post a few other new Eddsworld fics I've written ;P), but I can assure you that I'll most likely end up finishing this sometime. I haven't gotten a feel for how long this will be yet so bear with me. Bare with me? How does that saying go again?
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy it!

When Tord slowly came to, he found himself in a bed. He tried to move his good arm, only to find that it was in a cast, before groaning in pain. 

"Edd," called out a voice, "he's awake!"

Tord turned to see Tom. Tom was sitting there, reading a newspaper. He looked bored. 

"That's great!" said Edd's voice...which Tord only now noticed sounded different...what happened there? 

"Tell him I'm bringing his breakfast!"

"No."

"Where am I?" asked Tord, "Am I dead again?"

"No," said Tom, "you're alive. Mainly because Edd is a little too forgiving. You're in Edd's house. Don't bother trying to fight. We've confiscated all of your weapons."

Tord stared, before raising his mechanical right arm.

"Oh really?" said Tord, "You didn't take _this!_ "

He pointed his palm at Tom, grinning menacingly...but then was quickly surprised when he saw that his palm wasn't glowing nor firing off an energy beam. Tom smirked.

"Did you really think we wouldn't have checked your robo-arm for ammunition? You were unconscious for most of the day and this morning, it was easy to disarm you. Pun intended. Your real arm is broken and so is your left leg. You'll be bedridden for a while."

Tord groaned as he flopped back into the bed. He sat there in silence for a moment and then something came to mind again.

"Where are Paul and Patryck?"

"Matt took pity on them. They're in his apartment and he's teaching them how to be 'proper' vampires."

\----

"Okay you two," said Matt, smiling at Paul and Patryck, who were seated in school desks, "rule number one of being a vampire: If you want to admire your beautiful face in a mirror, don't shift into vampire form! Vampires don't have reflections!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Patryck.

Matt shifted and hissed "WHO'S THE TEACHER HERE!?"

"You are." grumbled Paul and Patryck.

"Good!" said Matt, smiling as he returned to his human form, "Now, next lesson! APPLYING LOTS OF SUNSCREEN TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!"

\----

Edd entered the room with a plate of bacon and some pancakes.

"How is everyone doing?" he asked, smiling.

"Tord still sucks." said Tom.

"Tom." scolded Edd.

"I'm gonna go listen to some music."

With that, Tom got up and left. Edd put a tray and the plate onto Tord's lap.

"Here you are, Tord!"

Tord paused. He wanted to reject it, but the smell of the food reminded him of how hungry he was and so he grabbed the food and began eating.

"Is it good?" asked Edd, "I remembered how much you loved bacon."

"Yeah," Tord, through a mouthful of pancake, "I'm kinda...saving that..."

Edd chuckled and said "I'm glad you like it."

Tord pauses as he's still in the middle of eating, then after swallowing he looks at Edd. He's a little wary still, not sure if Edd and the others are simply trying to get him to let his guard down, spill secrets or something. Tord decided to stick to his guns. He wouldn't let them make him go soft.

"So..." said Tord, "a lot has changed, hasn't it? The apartment...it's...nice?"

"Yeah. We uh...got it after you destroyed our house."

"...And your neighbors?"

"Eduardo, Mark, Jon's ghost and Todd all moved into the apartment downstairs. Tom likes to stomp on the floor to annoy them."

Tord couldn't help but smile at that.

"So, I didn't notice this before when we were hanging out back at the old place," he added, "what's with the voice?"

"Huh?" asked Edd, "Oh! When we were in that space ship, Matt zapped me with a voice changing ray gun. It broke, so they couldn't change my voice back. It's not that bad, though. I've gotten used to it!"

Tord sighed.

"Well okay then. You know, I could create a ray gun that could do the same thing..."

"No, no, I'm fine with my voice right now." said Edd, "To be honest, I'm glad I ended up with this one...some of the voices Matt cycled through were a dog's barking, a horn honking and Eduardo, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be stuck with any of those for the rest of my life."

Tord chuckled at the mental image of Edd barking or honking before turning his attention to his breakfast...lunch? It was hard to tell at this point. Edd stood up and pulled back the blankets to check up on Tord's casts. 

"So now," said Edd, "your leg and arm are looking okay! Remember to keep your leg elevated, alright?"

"I know how to deal with injuries, Edd," said Tord, "I was in the Enemy Army, remember?"

"Ah, right..." said Edd, "Um...Tord?"

"Yes?"

"Speaking of the Enemy Army...is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"If it's a secret, I promise I won't-"

"No. Just...go, okay? Let me eat."

"Fine, fine," said Edd, standing up to leave, "I'll check up on you again later, okay?"

Tord said nothing and simply continued eating as Edd left the room.

\----

"So how'd things go back there?" asked Tom, setting up a very large looking speaker system.

"Tord may need a little more time..." said Edd.

"What a shock."

Edd sat down on the couch with an exasperated sigh.

"I thought it'd be easier than this."

"And I _knew_ it wouldn't," said Tom as he picked up a CD, "even if you expect him to change, Edd, it's still a process. He won't just change over night." 

There was a brief pause and Tom went on to say "Why are you so sure he can change anyway?"

"Because I know there was a time when we were friends...and I know he wasn't lying about that. Even you used to get along with him. What happened to that?"

"He's the reason I got posessed," said Tom in a deadpan voice.

"Wait what?" asked Edd.

"It's a long story. Anyway, I'm going to play that music now!"

"Wait, it took you this long to start playing music?"

"I had to have everything set up first!"

Tom pulled the CD out of its case and walked over to the large speaker system. He turned the volume up to the max and put the CD in before pressing play. And out of the speakers came...

_"SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS AND RAINBOWS, EVERYTHING THAT'S WONDERFUL IS WHAT I FEEL WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER~"_

"Oh no..." groaned Edd, burying his face in his hands. Sure enough, he quickly heard Tord's voice from the bedroom.

"WHO'S PLAYING THAT GARBAGE!? TOM IS THAT YOU!? I SWEAR ONCE I GET MY WEAPONS BACK I'LL PUMP YOU FULL OF SO MUCH LEAD THEY'LL BE ABLE TO USE YOU AS A HUMAN PENCIL!!!! RAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!"

Tom chuckled to himself in response.

"You're terrible," said Edd, smiling.

"Yeah, I know," said Tom, still chuckling.

\----

Meanwhile...

"HEY!" said Eduardo, hitting the ceiling of his apartment room with a broom in an effort to get Tom's attention, "QUIT WITH THE MUSIC UP THERE! YOU WANNA TORTURE THE MURDERER, FINE, BUT WHY TORTURE _US_ TOO!?"

"I kinda like it!" said Todd with a smile.

"Me too!" said Jon's ghost as he floated in.

"Shut up, both of you!" shouted Eduardo. He tried to punch Jon, but his fist phased right through him and he hit Todd instead.

Meanwhile, Mark was sitting there with ear plugs in as he read a book with the title "How To Pretend You're Reading", blissfully unaware of his companions' actions.

To be continued...


	3. Matt Still Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back!
> 
> These first few chapters may be a little boring, but I intend to make the next ones a little more interesting! For now, have Matt looking after Tord and Edd buying something for Paul!

Tord woke up the next day to the sound of music...but fortunately, it wasn't that Lesley Gore crap again. It sounded like it was being played on a guitar in the other room.

"Oh good! You're awake!"

Tord opened his eyes fully to see Matt standing by the bed with his usual cheery grin. He had plate of breakfast foods in his hands. He put it in front of Tord, who sighed and started eating.

"Hello Matt," he said, irritably.

"It's _Matt_ , actually," said Matt, which confused Tord slightly, "how are you feeling?"

Tord shrugged before saying "The same...as in, angry and in pain."

"Okay!" said Matt, as if Tord didn't answer, "So, you wanna talk about stuff?"

"Did Edd put you up to this?" asked Tord, coldly.

"Nope! Edd's going grocery shopping! He's getting food, cola and also stuff for Paul!"

Tord was suddenly reminded...Paul and Patryck were staying at Matt's apartment.

"You still keeping Paul and Patryck with you?"

"Oh! Yes! I cured them!"

Tord was confused for a second before remembering that they were vampires.

"And why did you do that?"

"They just didn't like being vampires," said Matt, shrugging, "I tried to explain that being a vampire was really cool, but they were all like 'change us back now!' so I changed them back."

"And what happened next?"

"Well Patryck yelled some curse words at me and stormed out. I haven't seen him since so I don't think he's coming back. Paul's staying because he has nothing better to do."

Tord cursed under his breath. 

_"Of course Patryck abandons his post..."_ he thought angrily.

"Has Paul said anything to you?" asked Tord.

"He just asked for me to get him cigarettes and a sketchbook, for some reason," said Matt, "I asked Edd to add those to his shopping list. Paul hasn't said a word since."

Tord sighed before finishing his breakfast and leaning back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He recalled that Matt wasn't the smartest of the bunch, so he figured that maybe he could convince him to do something for him...

"Sooo...Matt," said Tord, grinning, "you think you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, what do to ya want?"

"Well I have stuff over there in that drawer," Tord gestured toward the area where Edd told him his weapons and ammunition were stashed, "if you don't mind-"

"No can do, Tord!" said Matt smirking, "Edd told me what's in there, and it's not gonna work! I'm not gonna let you hurt my beautiful face again! Or Tom."

Tord glared at him, but then tried to switch gears to fake cheeriness again.

"Oh come on, Matt, all I want is my...security blanket...which just happens to be a gun."

"Well why didn't you say so!" said Matt, cheerfully as he went over to the drawer and sifted through it. Tord started chuckling evilly. It was like taking candy from a baby...he'd be out of there in no time.

"Which gun is it, again?"

"The really big one! With the sharp pointy parts!" said Tord, smirking.

"Ah! Here it is!"

Matt pulled out said gun and handed it to Tord, who cackled a little to himself, preparing to fire it at the wall and squeezing the trigger...

...nothing happened. Tord tried again. Sure enough, there was no ammunition.

"Um...Matt," said Tord, "there's something else I need you to do for me..."

"Yes?"

"Could you please load the gun with ammunition for me?"

"Oh come on, Tord," said Matt, looking a tiny bit offended, "I'm not _that_ dumb you know. You can keep the gun 'cause it's your security blanket, but no bullets or whatever it is you put in it!"

Tord lowered his hand and sighed. Matt was smarter than he seemed. Tord stared up at the ceiling again before turning his attention to a nearby mug that said "Don't Mug Me" on it and seemed to be filled with milk. He picked it up and began drinking. 

"So..." said Tord, feeling slightly unsure of what to say or do at this point, "how are things with you, Matt? Is being a vampire fun...?"

"I don't like shifting seeing as I can't see my reflection when I do, but otherwise yeah!" said Matt, smiling, "But I've been a vampire for years now, it's not really new for me!"

"Wait, what?"

"I think it happened a little bit after you left..." said Matt, "though I can't remember much from that time for some reason..."

Tord snickered, remembering Matt's misadventures with his Memory Eraser Gun. Definitely one of his more entertaining inventions.

"But hey," said Matt, "enough about me! Let me ask you about something!"

"What?" asked Tord, feeling a little confused.

"Tell me how you do your hair like that!" said Matt, happily, "I love the horns-spikes look you have going on!"

Tord stared at him, then shrugged.

"Alright, whatever..."

\----

Meanwhile...

Edd returned from the store with bags in tow, entering Matt's apartment to find Paul lying on his back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling with a bored look on his face. But he couldn't help but notice that Patryck wasn't there.

"Hey, where's your friend, Paul?" asked Edd.

"Who?" asked Paul, not even looking at him.

"The other soldier."

"Oh. He left after your friend cured him."

"Um...okay?"

"Did you get the cigarettes?" Paul added, finally turning to look at Edd.

"Sorry Paul," said Edd, removing things from his grocery bag, "but our building has a no smoking policy."

Paul gave a distinctly mirthless sounding laugh and a sarcastic "Oh, GREAT!" in response.

"I _did_ manage to get the sketchbooks you wanted though!" said Edd, smiling, "I even got some pencils and pens for you!"

"Great..." groaned Paul as Edd handed the sketchbooks and pencils to him.

"So...do you like drawing?" asked Edd.

"Noooo, I just like having art supplies lying around for no reason at all." said Paul.

"Okay, rude," said Edd, "I'm only asking 'cause you never struck me as the artistic type!"

Paul just sighed and started sketching.

"You know," said Edd, smiling, "I'm an artist too!"

"Don't you have the Red Leader to torture?" asked Paul.

"Who? OH! Right, Tord! I almost forgot, thank you for reminding me!"

With that, Edd left the room, while Paul just kept sketching.

\----

When Edd returned to his apartment, he found Tom sitting there playing his beloved bass, Susan.

"Hey Tom!" said Edd, "How are Tord and Matt?"

"They're fine, I think. I kinda stopped paying attention to them after a while."

"Tom!" Edd scolded, before seeing someone with a conspicuously horned hairdo exit his room, causing Edd to do a double take, "Tord?"

But it wasn't Tord, it was Matt...with a hairdo identical to Tord's

"Hey Edd!" said Matt, smiling happily, pointing to his hair, "you like my new hairstyle?"

Tom looked up and quickly burst out laughing.

"You had Tord style your hair!?" asked Tom, through his laughter.

"Yes," said Matt, in a matter-of-fact voice, "I like his hair!"

"How is Tord," asked Edd, smiling, "is he okay?"

"Huh? Oh he's still in your bedroom! I think he's okay."

"What do you mean _think?_ " said Edd, looking annoyed.

"I dunno, I left the room after making up my hair. He's sitting there with his security blanket gun."

"HIS WHAT!?" asked Edd while Tom started laughing again.

"That's what you get for letting Matt look after him." smirked Tom as Edd rushed to the bedroom.

"TORD!?"

"Hello, Edd."

"Why do you have tha-"

"It's not loaded. Matt made sure of that."

"...Oh," said Edd, "so...you have a security blanket gun?"

"No," said Tord, irritably, "I just told Matt that so he could give me one of my weapons, but he refused to load it. Here, you can put it back."

Edd took the gun and put it back in the drawer he had put Tord's other weapons in.

"Okay then," said Edd, smiling, "you need anything?"

Tord glared up at him, then shook his head.

"Okay then," said Edd, lifting up Tord's blankets and checking his casts, "I'm gonna go make you some lunch, any requests?"

Tord said nothing and just laid back on the bed again. Edd sighed and left the room.

"I'll check up on you a little later, okay Tord?" asked Edd.

Tord once again said nothing. As Edd left the room, Tord looked to the window with a sigh. He held up his robotic arm and glared angrily.

"I don't care what they want me to do, I _will_ get out of here, and I _will_ rebuild my army..."

\----

Edd had just finished making Tord's lunch as Matt watched TV and Tom continued playing his bass.

"We need to come up with more ideas to help Tord," said Edd, "any suggestions?"

"Give up and send him to jail?" asked Tom.

Edd shot a glare at him as he leaned against the counter. Tom just shrugged with a smirk. 

"I'm serious, you guys!" said Edd, "Matt, has Paul told you anything about Tord?"

"All he's said is that Tord goes by 'Red Leader' now," said Matt.

"That's not much to go on..."

"Speaking of which," said Matt, "I'm gonna go make some lunch for Paul! Since he's not a vampire anymore, he's probably gonna be hungry!"

"Have fun," said Edd, smiling as he put Tord's lunch on a plate while Matt left.

"Wait, Edd, I've got an idea on how we could help Tord," said Tom, smirking.

"Oh no..."

"Just trust me on this, Edd! It's fool proof!"

"Okay fine, what is it?"

...

"Oh God...Tom you can't be serious!"

"Oh yes I am, Edd! Trust me, it'll work!"

Edd sighed.

"Fine, but I just know he's not gonna like it..."

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's Tom's idea? You'll see...


	4. Christmas Visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW! This one took a while! I hope you like!
> 
> I'm probably gonna take a break from this story for a bit after this chapter. But don't worry! I'll come back to it soon!
> 
> Enjoy watching Tord lose his mind and Edd acting like a fussy mom!

"Hey Tord?" asked Edd, entering the room with Tord's lunch in hand.

"What?" said Tord, feeling irritated.

"I've got your lunch," said Edd, smiling, "how are you feeling now?"

"What do you think?"

Edd smiled sadly before setting the lunch tray in front of Tord.

"Here you go, Tord."

"I'm not hungry right now."

Edd shrugged in response.

"Well okay, I'll leave it here for you if you want."

He rested the tray on the sidetable before sitting down on the bed. He started checking Tord's casts again and Tord groaned in a mix of annoyance and slight pain. 

"Alright," said Edd, "things are looking okay right now."

"Joy..."

"I'll make you dinner later. Is there anything you want right now?" 

Tord looked up and said, "Could you turn on the TV, I guess?"

"Of course! Any requests?"

"No."

Edd smiled and turned on the TV, putting in a DVD. Tord genuinely smiled this time.

" _Return of the Insane Zombie Pirates from Hell 5_ , huh?" he asked, "Good choice."

Edd chuckled and said "I knew how much you loved these movies!"

Tord grinned a little and he said "Hehe...yeah..."

"So...um...Tom has suggested giving you a new visitor tomorrow. Someone...someone you won't expect, let's just put it that way."

"Oh joy."

"Yeah, I figured you wouldn't be happy. Of course, Tom doesn't want me to tell you who it's gonna be-"

"OHOHO, JOY!" said Tord with a VERY joyless laugh.

Edd sighed.

"So...while I'm here, you wanna talk about-"

"Get out."

"Tord..."

"I said get out."

Edd paused. Then he stood up and left.

"I'll make you dinner later," said Edd, "Unless you want to eat your lunch for dinner."

Tord said nothing.

He settled himself back into bed and closed his eyes.

Eventually he fell asleep again.

\----

Tord opened his eyes to find himself in a shadowy room. He sat up and rested his left hand onto his forehead.

Wait...his left hand?

He looked down. His arm and leg were no longer in casts. He smirked and stood up, before quickly realizing there was still a problem...

He was clearly no longer in Edd's room. This was a pretty dark and empty room. No windows or doors, or at least, he couldn't see any. He glanced around. There were voices outside...or...was there even an outside? Tord couldn't tell. But he could still hear muffled voices.

The voices began to get a little louder...they were...familiar...

"But Tord I...I thought we were friends!" said one.

"I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!" roared another.

"My face..." whimpered yet another.

Tord turned around...he already knew these voices...but it kept going...

"Jon?" said yet another voice, with a deep, American accent, "Speak to me buddy! Say something!"

"Tord..." it was a woman's voice this time, "how could you?"

"Stop..." said Tord, angrily.

"We let you live with us, and you did this?" said another woman's voice.

"Stop it!"

"Hello, Mr. Larker..." said a voice that Tord immediately recognized as Paul's.

"Come with us..." said Patryck's voice.

"STOP IT!"

"B-But..." said a shy, soft sounding voice he hated more than any of the others, "What about my...?"

"Friends?"

The last voice made Tord freeze.

A deep, raspy voice with a heavy, Russian accent. It reverberated, as if speaking through a mechanical filter.

A devious chuckle echoed through the room. Tord covered his ears and crouched down.

"STOP IT! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

The chuckling just got louder. 

Tord could make out some more voices.

"You're the jerk who..."

"...ARRY IT'S ANOTHER..."

"...KEEP IT UP! MOVE IT MOVE IT MOV..."

"...raain..."

Tord opened his mouth to scream, but the voices and the chuckling drowned out his own voice. When he finally opened his eyes he began breathing heavily...and found himself lying on his back in a soft, warm bed.

He looked down.

His arm and leg were still in the casts. He was in Edd's bed.

He looked to the sidetable. The digital clock read 4:32 AM. He sighed and rested his head back down.

He drifted off to sleep again.

\----

As the sun rose the next day, Tord slowly began to open his eyes. He groaned in pain, looking around in irritation. He glanced around. He caught sight of a little grey cat on his lap. Was this the guest Edd mentioned?

"Hello...little friend...?" said Tord, petting the cat with his robot hand.

**"HELLOOO, Tord!"**

Tord froze upon hearing that horrifyingly familiar voice. He slowly turned his head...and he saw the empty dark eyes and sallow green skin of a zombified Santa Claus staring at him.

Tord jumped and gave an embarrassingly unmanly scream at the sight of Zanta Claws. Just outside, he heard Tom roaring with laughter and angrily cursed to himself. Zanta himself, let out a hearty chuckle as well.

**"Tom was right!"** said Zanta, laughing, **"That WAS worth me rising from my grave for!"**

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN EDD'S APARTMENT!?"

**"EXCUUUUUSE ME!?"** asked Zanta, **"Are you telling me you don't...REMMEMBER?"**

"Remember WHAT!?" asked Tord, feeling desperate for answers.

**"Oh riiiiight,"** said Zanta, smiling a little, **"You weren't there when it happened!"**

"WHEN _WHAT_ HAPPENED!?!?!"

**"Basically, this one time that Tom tried to take over and destroy Christmas,"** explained Zanta, **"I teamed up with your friends and...THAT Santa Claus to stop him. Then I went back to being dead.**

Tord calmed down slightly and settled back into the bed.

"O-Okay then, but what are you doing in Edd's apartment!?"

**"Well I WAS sleeping in a shallow grave at the old house for a while before SOMEONE very RUDELY decided to blow the place to smithereens and WAKE ME UP! Consider my own rude awakening of you payback, Mr. Paintball Boy!"**

Tord had no time to feel any nostalgia over his paintball escapades, as he was still somewhat wary of Zanta Claws.

"So...you're not going to eat me?"

**"EAT you!? You're my favorite out of these four idiots! You wanna be my best friend?"**

Tord grimaced in disgust at this. He'd rather be EATEN than be at the mercy of an undead fanboy.

"Hey Tord," said Edd's voice as he entered the room, Tom snickering to himself in the background, "you feeling better?"

"Not after THIS!" said Tord pointing to Zanta.

**"Wow. Rude."**

"Tom thought Zanta would be able to keep you in line better," said Edd, "didn't you, Tom?"

"Uh, yeah," said Tom, stifling another laugh, "that's...why I did it..."

Tord's eye twitched, realizing that Tom was clearly playing some kind of joke against him.

Edd gave Tord his breakfast for the day and Tord sighed irritably. Edd turned to Zanta and asked "Would you like to go back to your grave, Zanta?"

**"ARE YOU KIDDING?"** said Zanta, **"I wanna stay with Tord!"**

"NOOOOO!" said Tord, looking terrified while Tom looked more and more amused by this...God Tord hated him right now, "L-Look, Edd, I...I kinda need to go to the bathroom, can..."

He made a suddenly realized what he was saying and shut himself up.

"Can...what?" asked Edd.

Tord turned away and growled "I can hold it."

"No, Tord, tell me what you were going to say?"

Tord said nothing.

"Can _what_ , Tord?"

"...C-Can...you..."

But Tord couldn't say it. He WOULDN'T say it. He REFUSED to say it. Edd sighed and said it himself.

"I'll _help_ you Tord," he said, "come on. I looked up how to help someone with injuries like yours with this."

Tord clammed up again, but begrudgingly allowed Edd to help him to the bathroom.

_"He's torturing me..."_ thought Tord as Edd helped him out, _"he wants me to break back into being useless and pathetic so I'll come crawling back to him and the others...Well I'm not going to let him..."_

\----

After helping Tord to the bathroom, Edd helped him back to his bedroom. Fortunately, Tom and Zanta weren't there. Edd put Tord in the bed and Tord glared at him.

"If you DARE breathe even a single word about that to anyone..."

"Hey, it wasn't exactly a party for me either," said Edd, smiling.

Tord turned away angrily. He didn't want to talk to Edd or even look at him after all this. 

"...I'm sorry, Tord," said Edd, "I just wanted to help."

Tord sighed. And then he said, "Get out."

"Okay, then, I'll make you some lu-"

"I'm NOT hungry. Get out."

Edd looked at him, before leaving.

"I'll check up on you later."

Tord refused to say anything.

\----

When Edd entered the living room, he saw Tom and Zanta sitting on the couch and both drinking alcoholic beverages. Matt was cooking something. Edd dropped onto the couch, heaving a heavy sigh.

"How you holding up, Edd?" asked Tom.

**"Is Tord okay?"** asked Zanta.

"I'm not sure," said Edd, rubbing his temple, "I was hoping helping him out would make things easier..."

"Edd, I think even _I_ would resent someone if I needed help with-"

"LUNCH IS READY!" said Matt, smiling as he dropped several plates in front of the others.

"All I really did was walk him there and wait to see if he needed any help with anything!" said Edd, indignantly, "But if you're so smart, what do YOU think we should do?"

"I don't know," said Tom, "it was _your_ idea to rehabilitate him in the first place. _I_ proposed that we hand him over to the cops, seeing as he's still a wanted criminal!"

**"WOOOW, how much did I miss while I was six feet under?"**

"Whether you like it or not, Tom, Tord still used to be our friend," said Edd, "I've told you, there's no way he was lying about that!"

Tom shrugged and said, "I mean I'm not saying you're wrong, but he clearly has no desire to be our friend anymore. I'm not sure if you can change that, Edd."

Edd sighed again. He'd been doing a lot of that lately, hadn't he?

"Matt," he inquired, turning to look at Matt, who was being attacked by Zanta for not giving him brains for lunch, "have you had any luck with Tord's soldier friend Paul?"

"Nope," said Matt shaking his head, "Paul doesn't seem to want to talk to me. He spends most of his time drawing these days."

"...Drawing?" asked Tom.

"Yeah," said Edd, "I was surprised too."

"Is Paul sworn to secrecy or something?"

"I don't think so," said Matt, "or maybe he is, but he doesn't seem to care. He seems like he WOULD say stuff but he doesn't feel like doing so."

Edd shook his head. Their rehabilitation attempts didn't seem to be getting anywhere. But Edd knew that this was something he and his friends could do...something they HAD to do.

It would benefit everyone in the long run. Especially Tord.

Sitting down on the couch, Edd looked up at the ceiling.

**"I suppose I ought to head back into my grave?"** asked Zanta.

"Yeah," said Edd, "we'll call you again when we need you to scare Tord straight again."

Zanta gave an evil laugh before jumping into a coffin in the corner. Being in an apartment, he couldn't bury himself in the floor anymore.

"So...what do you wanna do next?" asked Edd, "And DON'T say 'give up', Tom."

"Then I'm out of ideas," said Tom, shrugging with a smirk, "Matt?"

"Hm...OH! I know! Let's introduce him to someone who ISN'T scary like Zanta Claws!"

"Who do you suggest?" asked Edd.

Matt paused, then said "How about Todd?"

"I dunno," said Edd, "I doubt Eduardo would want him to go anywhere near him."

"Oh come on! No one could stay evil around someone like Todd!"

"Eh," said Tom, shrugging, "it couldn't hurt to try. Worst case scenario, Tord will go crazy and kill him. And both of those things sound great to me."

Edd rolled his eyes.

"Fine, but I get the feeling this will turn out worse than bringing in Zanta...."

\----

Tord was trapped again.

He was trapped in the room. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to go. Nothing visible but darkness. Though his arm and leg were once again healed, but any attempt to run would end in failure. There were still no windows or doors.

Tord can't see. He can't hear. He can't even seem to move.

Suddenly a red light flashes above him. He freezes.

The voice speaks.

The heavy Russian accent gives him chills.

"Hello, Tord..."

Tord wakes up again, breathing heavily.

He rests his robotic palm at his forehead and took a deep breath.

He glances at the clock again.

5:00 AM.

He drops back onto the pillow.

He doesn't go back to sleep.

To be continued...


	5. Hello Hellhole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back! This chapter is the first proper introduction to Todd. We know next to nothing about him, but according to Eddie Bowley, he was supposed to be an "overly nice Ned Flanders-type character", so I took that idea and ran with it--southern accent, has ridiculously pastel and childlike interests, is VERY religious, addresses everyone as "neighbor", etc.

Tord realized he must have crashed, since when he opened his eyes, he looked to the clock and saw that it was ten o clock AM. He sighed. As he settled down, he noticed that there was no one else in the room, except for the little grey cat, who Edd told him was named Ringo and was a girl. He wondered why Edd opted to leave him with just a cat for now, before realizing that now, he could try to escape. Before he could, however, he heard the door open...so much for that plan.

"Good morning, neighbor!" said a man with an American southern accent.

Tord turned around to see a man wearing a red sweater vest and glasses arriving in the doorway. He had a necklace with a sterling silver cross on it around his neck. He had brown hair that fell over his face and was holding a tray of muffins.

"Oh good, you're awake! My name is Todd, your friend Edd asked me to look after you for a bit!"

Tord just stared at him, mouth agape.

"I made you muffins!" Todd went on, still smiling happily, as he put the tray in front of Tord, "I have a lot of fun planned for us too!"

"What?" asked Tord, feeling a little frightened now.

"Oh we'll have lots of fun! I have board games including 'Snakes and Ladders', 'Monopoly' and my personal favorite, 'Candyland'! And I've brought some nice movies to watch-"

"PLEASE tell me it's a zombie film..."

"Zombie movies? Nooo...that's far too scary for someone in such a fragile state of mind! I've bought a bunch of Care Bears and VeggieTales movies!"

Tord's eye twitched. 

"Oh god," said Tord, "I hate you already..."

"I also brought in some of my favorite records, including Leslie Gore! Your friend Tom told me how much you love Leslie Gore!"

"Leslie Gore's music makes me vomi-" 

Tord was cut off by a muffin being stuffed in his mouth. Todd smiled happily as he ruffled Tord's hair and started taking out some DVDs from his bag.

"Now, which Care Bears or VeggieTales episode do you wanna watch first?"

"None of them!"

"'Dave and the Giant Pickle' it is!" said Todd, happily as he pulled out the DVD for said episode and put it into the DVD player on Edd's TV, "Oh we're gonna have so much fun together! I'm sure by the end of the day we'll be the best of friends!"

Tord could only stare in horror as Todd pulled out a Candyland board game and started setting it up whilst babbling about something Tord couldn't be bothered to care about.

 _"Hell..."_ thought Tord, his eye twitching, _"I'm in Hell...Tom has killed me and now I'm in Hell...and this man is my eternal punishment..."_

\----

"ARE YOU CRAZY, EDD!?" Eduardo roared angrily, downstairs, "How could you STILL not like diet cola!? Diet cola is delicious!" 

"Yeah," said Edd, sarcastically, "if you like a watered down version of a superior beverage!"

"Wait," said Tom, "when did we start talking about this?"

"Anyway," Eduardo went on, "as for the whole Todd situation, why the heck would you let Todd babysit the murderer!?"

"It wasn't my idea!" said Edd, "It was Matt's!"

"Oh, that explains it," said Mark, rolling his eyes.

"He said he didn't think anyone could stay evil when talking to Todd," said Tom, "I personally decided to go along with it because I wanted to see Tord explode."

"Tom, could you PLEASE take this more seriousl-"

"No."

"If he explodes," growled Eduardo bitterly, "he might kill Todd like he killed Jon. I can't stand the thought of losing another friend like Jon!"

"I'm right here!" said Jon's ghost, floating in with a sad look on his face.

"Sometimes, I can still hear his annoying voice!" said Eduardo.

"I'M RIGHT BEHIND YO-"

"STOP RUINING MY DRAMATIC MOMENT!" shouted Eduardo in a weirdly fast voice as he tried to punch Jon, only to once again be reminded that Jon was a ghost and that his fists phased through him. Jon looked a little bit smug at this.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" asked Edd.

"A little, yeah." said Jon.

"Where's Matt anyway?" said Mark, "If this is his idea, then maybe we should talk to him about it."

"He's back at his apartment," said Tom, opening his flask, "we've tasked him with talking to Tord's soldier friend Paul. We're hoping he'll get some info out of him."

\----

Meanwhile...

Matt was lying on his bed, eating a pizza he ordered. Paul was eating some too while he sketched a picture of a random cartoon character.

"...So, how do you do that?" asked Matt.

"Do what?" asked Paul.

"You know, that thing with your eyebrows? That makes them so big?"

Paul initially ignored Matt and kept sketching, before pausing and saying, "...I don't know..."

And then they just sat there in silence.

\----

"Wait, weren't there two soldiers?" asked Mark.

"The other one bailed," said Edd, "Tord's still not happy about that."

"AND YOU JUST LET HIM GO!?" shouted Eduardo.

"We tried to stop him, but he doesn't seem like he's dangerous," said Edd, "one of the things he said was that he wants out of all this crap."

"He didn't say it in that way, though," said Tom, "he said 'fu-'" 

Edd covered Tom's mouth so he couldn't continue.

"Look," said Edd, "we're still trying to help Tord. We think maybe Todd would be good at rehabilitating him. We tried scaring him straight using Zanta Claws, but that didn't work."

"Zanta's a zombie, though," said Eduardo angrily, "your murderer friend can't kill him. But he CAN kill Todd."

"But he won't," said Edd.

"How do you know that?" asked Eduardo.

"Trust me," said Edd, smirking a little, "I have him on a tight leash."

"And what does that mean?!" asked Eduardo, clearly getting impatient with this conversation.

"It means he has this situation covered." said Tom. 

\----

Meanwhile...

"Oh, I love that episode!" said Todd, smiling happily as the latest of the ten VeggieTales installments he had shown Tord ended, "Which one do you wanna watch this time?"

"LET ME OUT OF THIS TORTURE!" screeched Tord, desperately flailing against his casts.

" _Carebears in Wonderland?_ " Todd responded, "Excellent choice!"

"No, no, no!" shouted Tord desperately, "I can't sit through anymore pastel preschool shows! Please, I beg of you to mfff!"

Todd shoved another muffin into Tord's mouth with a blissful smile.

"Looks like someone needs to unwind a little! Let's take a break from TV for a second and play Candyland!"

Tord's good eye twitched and he spat out the muffin.

"Please, no more! This is the worst torture I've experienced since my time in the Enemy Army!"

Todd smiled obliviously as he set up the board, shuffled and stacked the cards and put the pieces in place. Tord couldn't tell if he was genuinely oblivious or simply sadistically taunting him. He was tempted to consider using Todd as a form of torture against his enemies. But he reconsidered, as no one deserved to endure this horrendous torment he was suffering at the hands of this monster.

"Now," said Todd, smiling, "pick out a card!"

"I refuse." said Tord.

"Aw, come on, neighbor! Okay here, I'll do it first!"

Todd took a card from the top of the deck, looked at it and moved a playing piece onto a red square on the board.

"Now you!" said Todd.

"No, I refuse!" shouted Tord.

"Aw come on, neighbor," said Todd, smiling widely, "please?"

"NO! SHUT UP!"

"Pretty, pretty please?"

"ARRRGH! Look, I need to relax! In MY way..."

"Oh," said Todd, perking up a little, "well, what's your way of relaxing?"

Tord pointed to a nearby dresser, which Edd had told him his stuff was in.

"Second drawer down on the right side. There are some comic books in there."

"Well certainly, neighbor!" said Todd as he walked over to the drawer, pulling it open and picking up a comic, "Huh, this is an odd looking comic...what's it about?"

"It's about-WAIT DON'T LOOK INSIDE IT!"

Too late. Todd's eyes widened as he flipped through the comic's content and witnessed the onslaught of massive breasts and tentacles and made the realization...

"Is this...p-p-p-p-p-PORN!?"

"G-Give me the comic..."

"No, neighbor!" said Todd, tossing the comic aside, "Good lord no wonder you became such a monster! It's a good thing Edd asked me to come! He's given me a golden opportunity to save your soul before it falls into ruin!"

"Oh no...no no no EDD!" called out Tord, "LET ME OUT! EDD!?"

"He's not here, neighbor," said Todd cheerfully as he grabbed a guitar from seemingly nowhere...Tord didn't like the sight of that, "now, I'm going to sing a song for you!"

"No..."

"This song is about how amoral and unethical porn is..."

"NO..."

"...and how everytime you touch yourself you're shaking hands with the devil himself!"

"NO!"

"But by the Lord's holy grace, your soul can be saved! So here we go!" said Todd as he strummed the guitar and began to sing, "OHHHHH~"

And that's when Tord snapped.

" **NO!!!!** SHUT UP! SHUT UP! _SHUT UP!!!!_ "

Tord realized too late that he had stretched out his robot arm and grabbed Todd by the throat. He smirked evilly.

"Ohohoho..." he said, "I didn't know I could still do that!"

\----

"What's going on up there?" asked Eduardo, suspiciously.

"I'm sure it's nothing TOO bad," said Edd, nervously, "maybe Tord's just-"

CRASH! Todd was sent falling through the ceiling, slamming into the floor in front of Eduardo's feet. Tom started laughing.

"That's it, I'm killing him." said Eduardo, his hair and eyes glowing green as he flew through the Todd-shaped hole in the ceiling.

"EDUARDO, WAIT!" shouted Edd, following him.

Tom and Mark started heading out too, having to take the door and the stairs instead.

"Jon, you stay here," said Mark, as Jon tried to follow.

"Aww, why?" asked Jon.

"Stay here with Todd."

"Okay," said Jon, sighing as he floated back inside.

\----

Up in Edd's apartment building, Tom and Mark had entered Edd's room just in time to see Eduardo, Edd and Tord. Eduardo had swooped in and was trying to strangle Tord while Edd was trying to get them both to calm down. 

"L-Look," said Tord, "I can explain..."

"Explain it in Hell, murderer!" roared Eduardo, preparing to attack Tord but Edd grabbed his wrist.

"Let him explain, Eduardo!"

"WHY!? He's a murderer who already killed one of my friends! Now he tried to kill another one!"

"Yes, and I'm actually kind of mad at him for it too, this time," he directed his gaze at Tord, "but we should still let him explain himself before taking action. Why did you attack him?"

Tord's eye twitched again but he sighed and said "After hours of inane nonsense that I couldn't take anymore, I asked him to give me one of my hentai comics. When he found out it was pornographic, he immediately decided to deliver some sick form of torture upon me, so I defended myself..."

Eduardo quickly put two and two together and he turned to the hole in the floor with a look of annoyance on his face.

"Ah jeez, Todd, were you gonna sing your 'Anti-Masturbation Song' to him!?"

"IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!" Todd shouted back.

Eduardo gave an exasperated groan, then calmed down, turned to Tord and said "You have my permission to kill him."

"WHAT!?" shouted Todd from the lower apartment.

"No one is killing anyone!" said Edd as he opened the nearby window and turned to Eduardo.

"Eduardo," said Edd, pointing to the window, "could you get some stuff to fix the floor?"

"Ugh, fine," said Eduardo as he flew out the window in a streak of dark green. Edd turned to Tord and sat down on the bed.

"Tord..." said Edd, darkly, "I'm very disappointed in you-"

"Don't you DARE talk down to me like I'm a misbehaving child!" said Tord, "I'm a powerful leader of multiple armies! I'm the military dictator of the Enemy Army! I'm-"

"Stuck in a bed with multiple broken bones." said Tom, smirking as he leaned against the door. Tord looked ready to stretch his robot arm out again and punch him but Edd grabbed it before he could, and he squeezed it with a surprising amount of force. Tord kept forgetting that Edd still had superpowers.

"Tord look at me!" said Edd, sternly "I didn't confiscate your robot arm because I thought you would need it. I could have just taken it away and done everything for you, hand fed you, bathed you...helped you in the bathroom..."

Tord's eye widened and he gulped a little at the thought.

"But I didn't, because I thought I could trust you," Edd went on, gripping Tord's robot arm tighter, "if you're going to hurt people with it, however, I might end up being forced to reconsider that. Do I make myself clear?"

Tord paused, then sighed sadly and nodded. 

"Good then!" said Edd, perking up a little, "When Eduardo gets back, I'll patch up the floor for you! And then we'll arrange another person to look after you!"

"PLEASE don't let it be Todd again!"

"It won't be," said Edd, sighing, "it was a mistake for us to have you be looked after by him. I knew his personality would clash too much with yours. I think I'll have Matt watch you tomorrow."

"I'm back," said Eduardo, entering with materials to fix the floor.

"Great!" said Edd, "Tom, you and Mark can help out, okay?"

"Sure." said Tom.

"Whatever." said Mark.

Tord sighed as he settled back into the bed. He refused to look at the others. 

He had never seen Edd so angry at him in his life.

He really was in Hell, wasn't he?

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I decided Edd may have been being a little TOO nice/lenient on Tord. This story may be all about redeeming him, but he DID kill Jon and blow up two houses.  
> So here, Edd shows Tord that sometimes, he's gonna need a little tough love. I just hope I didn't have him go too far in the opposite direction...  
> In other news, I had a LOT of fun writing Tord and Todd's interactions XD


	6. Moving Targets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this one, we'll be seeing some flashbacks, learning more about Tord's situation, seeing Edd bond with Paul over a mutual love of art and get a surprise phone call from an unexpected source!

_Bang!_

_Bang!_

_Bang!_

_Tord paused as he blew on the barrel of his gun. Target practice had gotten easier since the last time he trained in the army...training with them..._

_His friends..._

_He wondered how they were doing without him. Were they having adventures? Were they making memories? Did they remember him? Were they wondering what he was doing? Did they even care?_

_He wondered about Edd, about Matt, even about classic, stupid Tom...he wondered-_

_"Thinking about your friends again, Tord?"_

_"NO!"_

_Tord turned to look at Paul, who just smirked at him._

_"I won't tell anyone if you were," said Paul, lighting a cigarette, "but you know what_ he _will do to you if he finds out, right?"_

_Tord shuddered. He had heard of the things that happened to those who stepped out of line in the Enemy Army, and he certainly had no intention of suffering that fate._

_"I know, but I don't care," Tord lied, "I don't care about my friends."_

_Paul chuckled._

_"Sure, sure," said Paul, when suddenly his walkie talkie buzzed and he picked it up, "Hello? Alright, we'll be there!"_

_"What happened?"_

_"That was Patryck," said Paul, "he says Dr. Decapi's radioactive stuff is finished. It's time to test it out."_

_"Fine," said Tord, sighing._

_They headed to the lab, where Dr. Decapi, Patryck and Yuu were standing. Nearby, there was a large barrel of bubbling purple liquid...the chemicals, the biological weaponry they'd be transporting in the army's attempt at expanding its influence._

_"So you have it completed?" asked Paul._

_"Yes!" said Dr. Decapi._

" _Shouldn't...he be here?" asked Tord._

_"He's always watching," said Patryck, smirking, "remember that, Tord..."_

_Tord shook his head._

_"So, do we have a test subject?"_

_"Why yes!" said Dr. Decapi, "It's Yuu!"_

_"Me!?" asked Tord._

_"No no,_ Yuu, _with two 'u's!"_

_"What!?" asked Yuu, turning to look at Dr. Decapi in terror, "Y-You can't be serious!"_

_Paul and Patryck grabbed him and dragged him over to the barrel of chemicals._

_"Wait! Can't we talk about this!? Please! No!"_

_Yuu's cries fell on deaf ears. Tord watched as Yuu was dropped into the vat of purple chemicals and started screaming._

_Paul and Patryck just stood there watching while Dr. Decapi cackled insanely. Tord looked on. He watched as Yuu's screams began to distort and become more inhuman. Fat and muscle began to deteriorate from his body, causing his fingers to become like claws. His eyes became blank and white, his hair lost its sheen and his skin became a pallid green. Dragging himself out of the chemicals he clawed toward the others, extending a hand as he let out another inhuman screech. Tord quickly realized what had happened...Yuu had become a zombie._

_Their plan was to turn people into zombies...Tord wasn't sure how to feel about this. He himself became a zombie once. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. He didn't have time to mull over this though, as Yuu lunged at him, mouth wide open._

_BANG!_

Tord opened his eye and began breathing heavily. He looked around. He was back on his bed. He had been dreaming. Or remembering. Both? He looked around and caught sight of Matt, who was smiling, and reading a book.

"Hehe," said Matt smiling, "I can't read! Morning Tord!"

"Urgh...Matt," asked Tord, "is Paul still living in your apartment?"

"Yes, why?"

"...I need to talk to him."

\----

"That's really good, Paul!"

Edd was looking after Paul in Matt's apartment. Paul was sitting next to the bed, sketching.

"Thanks," grumbled Paul. He didn't seem happy about the compliments.

"Come on, Paul," said Edd, chuckling, "just take the compliments!"

"Why do you care?" asked Paul.

"Well, I mean, I'm an artist too. I like drawing comics and cartoons!"

Paul rolled his eyes and continued drawing.

"You wanna see something _I'd_ draw?" asked Edd.

Paul paused, then shrugged and ripped out a random page in his sketchbook, handing it to Edd, who smiled as he pulled a pencil out of his pocket.

Edd proceeded to draw a sketch of a cartoon character he had made as a kid. He showed it to Paul, who looked it over and shrugged before turning attention back to his own drawing.

"Hey," said Edd, "you wanna try drawing each other?"

"What?"

"I draw you, you draw me! You wanna try it?"

Paul paused for a moment, then shrugged and said "Sure, why not?"

Edd smiled as Paul pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to him. Edd grabbed the pencil again and began sketching a picture of Paul. Paul himself began drawing a picture of Edd. When the two of them finished their drawings, they each looked at them. Edd held up a picture of a somewhat blocky, cartoony version of Paul, with extra thick, rectangular eyebrows and a cigarette poking out of his mouth. Edd had put the signature "Edd Gold" underneath. Paul looked it over and, for the first time since Edd met him, smiled. 

"Not bad, kid." he said.

"Kid?" asked Edd, "You and I are practically the same age!"

Paul rolled his eyes and Edd went on to say "Yours looks great too!"

Paul's drawing was a sleeker, more stylized version of Edd. The image was thinner than Edd actually was, not that Edd minded all that much. And naturally, he was holding a can of cola. There was a signature below the picture, that said "Paul De Vries".

"Thanks," said Paul, "I guess." 

"Do you like drawing?" asked Edd.

Paul shrugged and said "It's a hobby of mine. I used to do it during downtime in the army."

Edd smiled.

The door opened and Matt was standing there. 

"Hey Edd," said Matt, "Tord wants to talk to Paul."

"Wait, really!?" asked Edd, looking a bit nervous.

"Yep!" said Matt.

Edd looked at Paul, who just shrugged.

"It's probably nothing important. Red Leader and I are cut off from our army."

Edd sighed.

"Alright, but Tom's gonna be listening in on you guys."

\----

Tom opened the door to Tord's room and escorted Paul in.

"I'm watching you." he said darkly.

Tord glared at him as he closed the door to a crack as Paul walked over to the chair in front of the bed and sat in it.

"How can he watch us if he doesn't have eyes?" asked Paul.

Tord ignored this comment and asked the question he wanted to ask.

"Where's Patryck?"

"Who?" asked Paul.

"Don't play stupid with me, Paul! Where is Patryck!? Where did he go after he left!?" 

"How should I know?"

"What do you mean!?" shouted Tord.

"He didn't tell me, so I don't know where he is." Paul said with a shrug, "He just cursed out the ginger vampire and stormed out. And in any case, why should I care where he went?" 

"He's your partner!"

"Yeah? So? That doesn't make us friends."

"He could spill secrets about the Enemy Army!"

"That'll be his problem, not ours. It's not like anyone will believe him."

"He could be captured and punished for going AWOL!"

"Again, his problem. Not ours."

"What about him ratting us out to the rest of the army for going missing?"

"Who is he gonna tell? The three of us are the highest ranking members of the army."

"What about-"

"Okay you are _seriously_ overestimating the amount of craps I give about Patryck. We were partners. Co-workers. Associates. We weren't friends, we weren't family. You remember how such interactions were forbidden in the Enemy Army, don't you? What _he_ told you during your training?"

Tord's eye widened and he gritted his teeth.

"Don't talk about that..." growled Tord.

Paul just shrugged.

"Is that all you wanted to ask about?"

"No..." said Tord, "have you told them anything?"

"Who? Your friends?"

"THEY'RE _NOT_ MY FRIENDS!"

"Sure, sure..." said Paul, leaning back, "I haven't told them anything, you can relax."

"And you won't?"

"I have no intention to, no."

"Good. Because you know what I'd have to do if you did, right?"

"What? Shoot me with the guns you don't have? Strangle me with the robot hand you're no longer allowed to use to hurt people with? Attack me while the guy with no eyes is standing outside listening in on us, waiting to report you to your other friend?"

Tord got angrier and angrier with each comment, but he soon found himself at a loss for words. Paul for his part, smirked, clearly enjoying this newfound power over his commanding officer. Tord only found this more insulting and humiliating. He decided to change the subject.

"I had a dream. Or I think it was a memory..."

"This involves me how, exactly?"

"You were in it you idiot!" said Tord, glaring at him, "It was when Dr. Decapi made those chemicals...when we used Yuu as a test subject..."

"Me?"

"No, 'Yuu' with two 'u's. The blonde soldier with the spiky hair."

"Oh yeah, him. What happened to him again?"

"He _died_ , you imbecile! He turned into a zombie and you shot him!"

"Oh yeah," said Paul, "well, it was a mercy kill. Just like when we killed all those other zombies after-"

"After YOU crashed the plan, because of that stupid cloudberg!"

"I warned Patryck about it," said Paul, shrugging, "but he didn't listen."

Tord groaned. 

"Can I go now?"

"Yes, PLEASE go. You're so useless, I don't know why I even let you be as high in the Army's hierarchy as I did anymore."

"Ouch," said Paul as he left, "well, I can come back if you ever need me too."

Tord didn't answer. Paul just left the room and was escorted out by Tom. Matt, meanwhile, returned and sat down on the chair that Paul had been sitting in. 

"Hey Tord!" said Matt smiling.

"Hello, Matt," said Tord, miserably. He leaned back again, then sniffed a little to make a slightly embarrassing realization...he _really_ needed a shower.

"Umm, Matt," said Tord, "I, uh...I need you to...assist me with something..." 

Tord couldn't...no, he _wouldn't_ use the word "help", but at least he could use a slightly more dignified sounding synonym.

"Okay then! What is it?"

"Could...could you take me to the bathroom so I can take a shower?"

"Oh! That I can do!" said Matt, smiling as he stood up with two plastic bags and a crutch. Tord sighed at the implications of helplessness those two objects brought on and allowed Matt to help him up and direct him to the bathroom.

\----

"So, what did Tord want, Paul?"

"Nothing much," said Paul as he sat down next to Edd and started sketching again, "your friend with the black eyes will probably explain what we talked about."

"Okay then," said Edd, smiling somewhat nervously, "I think I'll head back to check up on them. Will you be okay here?"

"Sure," said Paul, "I'll have plenty of your friend's selfies and mirrors to keep me company."

Edd laughed before leaving the room.

"I'll be ready to draw with you again soon!"

\----

Edd arrived at his apartment and found Tom sitting on the couch, playing a video game.

"Hey Tom, how are Matt and Tord?"

"Last I checked, they were still in your room."

Edd nodded and headed over there, but on the way, he passed Matt standing outside of the bathroom.

"Matt," asked Edd, "why aren't back in the room with Tord?"

"Tord's in the shower!" said Matt, smiling, jerking his thumb over his shoulder to the door.

"AND YOU'RE NOT IN THERE WITH HIM!?"

"Of course not! I'm not some sort of pervert!"

"MATT! He's got two broken limbs! I laid it out for you in those instructions I left!"

"You did NOT!"

Edd held up the list of instructions.

"It's right here!" he said pointing to the part labeled "Number 8".

"Ohhh...I stopped reading after number five..."

There was a crash coming from the bathroom and Edd could hear a yelp.

"Whoops." said Tom, sarcastically.

Edd didn't hesitate. He wrenched the door open and discovered Tord, lying on the floor of the shower. He winced with pain but then caught sight of Edd, a look of shame and fear on his face. Edd stared at him sadly. 

Edd walked over to Tord, holding out a hand, which he promptly swatted away with his mechanical arm and then used said arm to try and get back up, to no avail. He cursed to himself, being stuck in that position, immobile, naked and unable to do anything about it...he'd never felt more weak and pathetic in his life.

Somehow, the sympathetic look on Edd's face only made it worse.

Eventually, Tord realized he had no choice. Biting his lip a little he looked up at Edd and muttered, in a barely audible voice..."H-Help..."

Edd gave Tord a smile, helped to position him somewhat better and grabbed a nearby sponge.

Tord said nothing through the whole endeavor.

\----

Edd had given Tord some fresh clothes and then helped him back to the room. 

"So Tord," said Edd, smiling, "feeling a little better?"

Tord stared up at the ceiling, then grumbled "Yes."

"Alright then!" said Edd, still smiling, "And is there something you wanna say to me?"

"Like what, exactly?"

"Well...maybe a certain two words...that would show how happy you are that I helped you?"

"Why would I do that when I'm clearly NOT happy about you helping me?"

Edd looked at him, then sighed and stood up to leave.

"I'll go make you some dinner, okay?" asked Edd.

Tord said nothing. Edd just left.

\----

"Sorry about that Edd," said Matt, nervously as Edd returned to the living room.

"It's fine, Matt," said Edd, "just, head back to your apartment and stick with Paul, okay? I may have to go back to being the only one looking after Tord for now."

"Right!"

With that, Matt left. Edd turned to Tom.

"What did Tord and Paul talk about? Anything significant?"

"Not much," said Tom, still keeping his eye sockets focused on the game, "Tord asked Paul where the other soldier is, Paul doesn't know, they mentioned someone who taught them their philosophy and apparently that zombie thing over at ASDFland was because of them."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah."

"Well then," said Edd, resting a hand on his head.

"What do you want to do now?"

"Well...I think I managed to break through a little. Tord asked me for help this time, even if it was reluctant...it's definitely a step in the right direction..."

_"I LIKE TRAINS~ WOAH OH OH OH~"_

At the sound of the ring tone, Edd pulled out his cell phone and answered it.

"Hello?" he said.

"Edd?" said the familiar voice of an older woman.

"Mom? Why are you calling-"

"Oh thank heavens! I heard that you got into a scuffle with that man who destroyed your old house!"

"That was like, five days ago mom! What's wrong?"

"Your brother told me only today! He said that he thought I knew! Why didn't you tell me, sweetie?"

"Same reason as him! It was all over the news! Seriously, though, why are you calling me!?"

"I'm calling to tell you that I'm coming over!"

"...What?"

"I'm not letting that monster hurt you again, honey! I'm coming over to help you!"

"Wait, mom, I don't think you know-"

"I've already packed my things! I'm going to stay at your apartment as long as you need me to, okay?"

"Mom, you SERIOUSLY need to know that-"

"I'll see you tomorrow! Love you, honey! Bye!"

With that, she hung up. Edd sighed.

"So..." said Tom, grinning, "what did your mom want?"

"...She's coming over tomorrow."

"Why?"

"She wants to 'protect' me from Tord."

Tom laughed.

"Does she know Tord was the one who attacked us?"

"I don't know! What should I do!?"

Tom paused in thought, then said "Let her come."

"...What?"

"Have her come over and help us 'rehabilitate' Tord."

"...You think that would work?"

"Well, we tried scaring him with a zombie and torturing him with an overbearing religious neighbor...but we haven't tried having a mom nurture him."

Edd thought for a moment...then sighed.

"Alright, fine. But I'll admit, I'm not gonna be coddling Tord if he hurts my mom."

"Understood! Does that mean I get to hit him with a harpoon if he does?"

Edd paused, then said "As long as you don't kill him."

"Deal."

To be continued...


	7. Fun Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW! Sorry this one took so long to finally finish! I was struggling with how to handle this installment! But I finally managed.
> 
> Another issue with this chapter was that, after doing some reading, I wasn't sure if it was really...let's say "proper" to include a character based on Edd's mom in this story. I ended up compromising by not referring to her by name. Her presence in this fic was meant to be a nod to the fact that she had initially planned to take over as Eddsworld's showrunner after Tom left, plans that she never went through with and so Matt did it instead. Not sure why she didn't, but I assume it was for scheduling reasons. I'd rather believe that than the OTHER reason I had in mind, anyway...
> 
> In other news, I remembered that Edd's British and thus both pronounces and _spells_ the word "mom" differently from Americans, so I changed that too.
> 
> Also, Tord speaks some Norwegian in this chapter and there's brief mention of Paul speaking Dutch, so translations of that in the next author's note.
> 
> This chapter has left me bushed so I might have to take a brief break before I write the next one. Hopefully, however, it won't take as long!

Edd checked on Tord in his bedroom and slowly closed the door.

"Okay," he said, "Tord's sleeping. My mum's gonna be here any moment."

"Did you tell her that Tord's the one who attacked us?" asked Matt, smiling as he combed his hair while looking in his hand mirror. He wanted to look nice for seeing Edd's mother again, as he hadn't seen her in a while.

"She didn't give me a chance," said Edd, sighing as he adjusted his tie, "she's not gonna be happy when she finds out about all this..."

"Great, maybe she'll kill Tord, then." said Tom, smirking as he walked in with his flask.

"Tom, please put your tie on!"

"No."

There was a knock at the door and Edd turned.

"Here we go," he said, opening the door, "hi mum."

"Edd!" said his mother, pulling him into a hug, "It's wonderful to see you again! Hello Tom, Matt."

"Hello, Mrs. G." said Tom, smiling.

"Hey, Edd's mum!" said Matt, enthusiastically.

"Oh Edd," said Edd's mother, "I'm so glad you're okay! I'm so upset that your brother didn't tell me about your fight sooner! Did you take down that monster that hurt you and destroyed your house?"

"Uhhh...yeah. Sorta..."

"What do you mean 'sorta'?"

"Edd let him live with us." smirked Tom, prompting Edd to punch his arm.

"You did WHAT!?" asked Edd's mother, horrified, "Edd, how could you be so naive!?"

"Mum, listen, you do not understand!"

"Where is he!? Let me go give him a piece of my mind!"

"N-No mum! Don't! You don't know what you'd be up against!"

"I'll be fine, Edd! Just let me see him and take him down!"

Edd sighed.

"Fine," said Edd, "he's in my room."

"Right!" said Edd's mother as she stormed over to the room, "I'll go in there, I'll drag him out and I'll beat him with my-"

She paused as she opened the door to see Tord, sleeping soundly on the bed. She stared for a moment, then she slowly closed the door and turned to Edd.

"Tord?" she asked quietly, looking at her son in disbelief, "Tord Larker? He's the one who attacked you?"

"Yeah..." said Edd, awkwardly.

"...Tord!?" she continued, walking over to the couch, still not quite believing it, "Really!? He used to be such a nice quiet boy!"

Edd chuckled.

"It's strange how some people can change, huh?"

"You're telling me..." his mother said in agreement, "Edd, you didn't let me come here for a fight, did you?"

"It was Tom's idea, not mine," said Edd, sighing, "but we've decided that Tord...well...he needs help, and I tried a lot of other methods and we think maybe he could use..."

"A mother's touch?"

Edd just shrugged and nodded.

"It's a strange request," said his mother, sighing, "but I'm willing to try, I suppose."

"Thanks, mum!"

"You're welcome dear..."

In the back of her mind, Edd's mother could only ask what she had gotten herself into...

\----

_"Hello, Tord._

_Aw, don't look like that._

_Do you hate me, Tord? The man who made you who you are today?_

_Honestly, so ungrateful. If it weren't for me, you'd still be a pathetic failure._

_Oh wait...you ARE a pathetic failure._

_You tried to take out your 'friends' with that robot of yours...and the eyeless brat just threw a harpoon at you and the whole thing blew up._

_What kind of marvel of mechanical engineering gets destroyed by a single little harpoon?_

_Poor pitiful Tord. So useless. So weak._

_If only you had let me stay just a little longer...I know I didn't have a lot of time left to begin with, but at least I'd have been able to tell you why you were guaranteed to fail that day._

_Now you're at the mercy of the enemy. Paul is lazing around. Patryck has gone MIA._

_You're a disgrace._

_Just let the pineapple boy harpoon you again._

_Maybe this time he'll kill you._

_Yes, kill you._

_And you'll die alone._

**_Just like you deserve."_ **

Tord woke up with a start, breathing heavily. His heart was racing as he glanced around. He was met with a startling sight: An older woman instead of one of his...adversaries. And she was holding a plate.

"Uhh...hello?" said Tord.

"Hello, Tord!" said the woman, smiling gently, "Edd made you bacon!"

She handed the plate over to Tord. Tord shrugged and took some bacon with a sigh.

"May I ask who you are?"

She chuckled a little and said "Tord, I'm Edd's mother, remember?"

Tord stared again and looked her up and down, before remembering.

"Oh! Mrs. Gold, it's been a long time!"

"Yes...apparently very long, based on what Edd told me..."

Tord sighed.

"Ah, of course he did."

Mrs. Gold looked worried and said, "Tord, what exactly happened to you?"

"I'm not going to tell you," said Tord, "I didn't tell him, I'm not telling you."

Mrs. Gold shook her head.

"This doesn't seem like something to keep secrets about, Tord. I won't press you any further right now, but Edd and I will probably try to question you again."

"Ha! Good luck with that," said Tord, sneering, "he and his idiot friends have been trying, and I've been giving them nothing!"

"Can you at least explain this?" she said, pointing to his robotic arm.

"Oh yeah," said Tord, irritably, "it was from when I destroyed their old place. Tom destroyed my Giant Robot by shooting me with a harpoon."

"And your arm was damaged that badly?"

"Yes," said Tord, "along with my eye."

"Ah," said Mrs. Gold, looking at Tord's eyepatch, "so that wasn't from recently?"

"No."

"Hey there, you two!" said a voice.

Tord turned and Mrs. Gold looked up to see Edd standing there with a nervous expression on his face.

"Hello, Edd," groaned Tord, "what do you want?"

"I was just making sure you and my mum were getting along..."

"Tord just woke up," said Mrs. Gold, "are you okay, honey?"

"Oh? Well, I'm fine but...if you need any... _help_ dealing with Tord...any _help_ at all...you may want to call me or Tom...for... _help_..."

"EDD!" said Tord, looking slightly offended, "Are you implying that I'd stoop so low as to harm your mother!?"

Edd stared in response to Tord's outburst.

"No, I...well, I...um...okay maybe."

"Edd, what on Earth would I gain from that in this situation!? Besides, my beef isn't with her, it's with you, your friends, and now Paul."

"Paul's involved too!?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"Yes, he's at Matt's room."

"How many of your old school chums are getting involved in this!?"

"Do you know someone named Patryck Dubicki, Mrs. Gold?" asked Tord.

"No?"

"Then it's just me and Paul."

"I'm sorry Tord," said Edd, "I was just worried, that's all. You are...well, evil now, after all."

"Ah, glad you're finally acknowledging it." smirked Tord.

"Edd," said Mrs. Gold, "I'm glad you checked up on us, but I can handle things from here, okay?"

"Okay, thanks mum..."

"So Tord, you want to see some of his baby pictures?"

"MOOOOM!!!"

"Why yes, Mrs. Gold, I would!"

Edd buried his face in his hands with embarrassment while Mrs. Gold pulled a photo album from her bag. Tord snickered to himself as Edd left the room.

_"Well,"_ thought Edd, _"at least they're getting along..."_

\----

"And this one is from Edd's first sugar rush!" said Mrs. Gold, pointing to a photo of a blurry mess of green and brown, "After we gave him his very first Coca-Cola!"

"HA! He hasn't changed a bit, has he?" said Tord, leaning back and munching on some of the bacon as Mrs. Gold turned the page, "This has been quite enjoyable, Mrs. Gold! Of all the caretakers I've been having, you're the best so far."

"Oh, the others couldn't have been so bad, Tord."

"One of them was a Ned Flanders wannabe who tried to sing me an anti-masturbation song."

"...Do I want context on that?"

"Not really."

A smile appeared on Mrs. Gold's face as she flipped to another page. She looked down and said, "Aww, look at this one!"

She pulled out a photo of Edd, Tom, Matt and Tord standing together in front of the burning remains of an amusement park, while a charred zombie dinosaur was behind them, grinning along with them.

"Do you remember this, Tord?" she asked, smiling.

Tord turned away.

"No," he lied, "I don't remember."

"Ohhh are you sure?" said Mrs. Gold, grinning, clearly not believing him.

Tord just turned away again.

"Fine then," said Mrs. Gold with a smile, "I remember what happened on that day--it's hard for me to forget--so I might as well remind you..."

FLAAAAAASHBAAAAAAAACK~

\-----

Ten-year-old Edd Gold was extremely bored. He needed something to do or he'd explode.

He was so bored, in fact, that the minute the door knocked, he jumped up and screamed "I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT!"

Unfortunately, his mom had already opened the door for him.

"Hello, Tom, Matt, Tord!" said Mrs. Gold, opening the door to let Edd's three friends into the house.

"Hi there, Mrs. Gold!" said Tom, hugging his stuffed bear, "Sorry we're late, Matt was busy worshiping his reflection."

"Hey!" said Matt, angrily, "It's not my fault I'm beautiful!"

Tord just rolled his eyes.

"Guys!" said Edd happily, "I'm so glad you're here! I'm so bored!"

"Really?" asked Matt.

"Yeah!" said Edd, "So you guys wanna do something?"

"I dunno," said Tom, "what do you wanna do, Matt?"

"Look at my beautiful fa-"

"What do you wanna do Tord?"

Tord just shrugged. At this age, he wasn't much of a talker; partly because he didn't speak English very well, but it was mostly because he was a little bit shy.

"Well maybe if we watch a little TV we'll figure out something to do!" said Edd, cheerfully.

With that, he picked up the remote and turned the TV on. A news report came on.

"ZOMBIE DINOSAURS ARE COMING TO LIFE AND ATTACKING PEOPLE-"

"Boring! What else is on!"

Edd changed the channel. A commercial was on, showing an advertisement.

"HELLO THERE!" said the advert, "ARE YOU BORED?"

"Yes." said Edd.

"THEN, COME ON DOWN TO BENDEELAND!"

"Bendeeland?" said Edd, excitedly, "I love that place!"

"THAT'S GOOD," said the advert, "BECAUSE TODAY IS THE DAY IT'S CLOSING DOWN! FOREVER!"

"WHAT!?" shouted Edd.

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME," said the advert, "I'LL EXPLAIN IF YOU JUST LET ME TALK."

"Err...sorry..."

"BENDEELAND IS CLOSING DOWN TO MAKE WAY FOR A NEW PARK CALLED 'ASDFLAND'! And also there's been an outbreak of zombie dinosaurs coming out of it due to the unethical practices of its CEO."

"GASP!" said Tom, looking shocked, "ASDFland? That doesn't sound too bad!"

"Shh!" said Edd.

"SO COME ON DOWN TO BENDEELAND BEFORE IT'S GONE FOREVER!"

Edd was convinced now! He knew what he and his friends were doing today!

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Edd, smiling at his friends.

Matt and Tom nodded, but noticed that Tord was strangely quiet, even for him.

"Tord?" asked Matt.

Tord just stared off into space as he remembered something...

_"Paul, hva gjør du?"_

_"Roken."_

_"Nei, Paul! Du brenner huset ned!"_

_"Zou je je ontspannen? Dit is volkomen veilig. OH MIJN GOD IK HEB DE SIGARET AFGESCHAFT!!!!"_

_"JEG ADVARTE DEG!! NÅ SKAL VI DØ!!!"_

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"_

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"_

"...Tord?" asked Edd, as Tord continued to let the traumatic memory play in his head, "Tord?"

\----

Edd's mother smiled as she ushered her son, Tom, Tord and Matt into the car before driving off, the boys happily singing along to the radio. They finally made it to Bendeeland. They headed to the ticket seller as Mrs. Gold said "Five day tickets, please!"

"GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!" screamed the ticket man, "THE DINOSAURS ARE COMI-"

"Thank you!" she called out as she took some tickets and they reached the map of the park. The ticket seller was promptly eaten by a swarm of zombie Compsognathus.

"I wanna go on the rollercoaster, mum!" shouted Edd, happily, not noticing a Bendee mascot being chased by a hungry raptor, "Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh?"

"Well that sounds-"

"No no!" called out Matt, "I wanna go do the carnival games and get more toys!"

"Um, okay well-"

"Ew, no," said Tom, "I wanna go to the arcade and play video games!"

"I'm sure we could-"

"Haunted house." said Tord.

"BOYS!" said Edd's mother, "There will be plenty of time to do whatever it is you want, but let's decide on one thing first. Now, let's find some straws!"

They headed over to the food court and looked around for a set of straws. Mrs. Gold finally found one and promptly ignored it in favor of the strangely hard and bony feeling straws contained in the dead body of a zombie dinosaur lying on the table.

"Okay now," said Mrs. Gold, smiling, "shortest straw wins, okay boys? Whoever gets that straw gets to do their activity first!"

The boys all drew the straws and sure enough, Tord got the short one.

"Looks like we're going to the haunted house first!" said Mrs. Gold.

"Yay." said Tord, quietly.

"After that, we can go to the carnival games,"

"Indubitably!" said Matt.

"Then go to the arcade,"

"Cool!" said Tom.

"And we can save the roller coaster for last!"

"Sounds good to me!" said Edd.

"Then let's go!" said Mrs. Gold as the group ran off. 

All five of them had been blissfully unaware that the zombie dinosaur had woken up and was slowly trying to bite Tom. They had managed to get away from it just in time, causing it to stumble off of the table.

\----

The boys and Mrs. Gold walked through the Bendee Haunted House, with all the jump scares that came with it. 

Edd yelped and hid behind his mother when an animatronic mummy popped out, which prompted both to start laughing.

Matt smiled and laughed at every scary thing he saw until a mop with a scary face appeared and prompted him to scream.

Tord just shot anything that looked at him funny with the guns he had stashed away in his pocket. Including a security guard.

And Tom was sitting on the floor crying because he got spooked by a rock.

The scares of the haunted house were a perfect shield for the genuine terror of the zombie dinosaurs attacking other guests; the boys passed some people getting attacked without giving it a second thought and in many cases, just not even noticing it. There were multiple security guards shooting at the dinosaurs, only to get overwhelmed and eaten, while quite a few guests were chased by hungry raptors and pterodactyls.

"You had a good idea here, Tord!" said Edd, "This is amazingly spooky!"

"Takk skal du ha." said Tord, quietly.

"These are really great animatronics too!" said Matt, "Look at that one! It's so lifelike!"

He pointed to a zombie Pteranodon perched on a nearby tombstone, leering at them hungrily. It ended up extending its neck and opening its pointed, spearlike beak, its leathery wings fanning out as it prepared to bite Edd and Matt's heads off.

"C'mon kids!" called out Mrs. Gold, "Let's go to the next attraction!"

Edd, Tord and Matt followed Mrs. Gold out, right before the Pteranodon could snap its jaws shut...prompting the very much NOT an animatronic pterosaur to topple over forward and fall onto the ground from its perch.

\----

They decided to head to the carnival games next. Tom sat this one out, sitting on a nearby bench with a grumpy look on his face. Matt's toy collection made him want to shoot things. 

Matt meanwhile was playing the claw machine to try and get a Bendee action figure for Edd as Edd and Tord both cheered him on. Edd's mother was sitting next to Tom, reading a newspaper.

"Come on, come on..." said Matt as the claw descended on the action figure, only to fail.

Little did he notice that a large zombie raptor appearing behind him, hissing menacingly as it tried to eat him. Edd however, quickly noticed.

"Hey, kid!" shouted Edd shoving the raptor aside, "Wait your turn! Matt's still trying to get the toy for me!"

"Urrrgh!" said Matt, groaning with frustration as he kept trying to navigate the claw, "This thing is impossible!"

The raptor growled irritably and opened its mouth to try and bite Matt's head off, but Matt just threw his hands up with anger, hitting the raptor in the face, knocking it over.

"This stupid machine's rigged!"

"They always are," called out Tom, irritably, "let's go to the arcade, instead!"

"But I wanted to win a souvenir for Edd!"

"You can win one in the arcade," said Mrs. Gold, smiling as she put the newspaper away, "come along kids! It's Tom's turn!"

As they left, another guy arrived to play the claw machine. The raptor got back up and slowly approached the guy with a growl.

Seems it wasn't going to go hungry after all...

\----

At the arcade, Tom and Tord were playing a game that involved shooting dinosaurs while Matt and Edd played skeeball. Mrs. Gold sat next to a dinosaur in a tattered dress that it had stolen from a tourist it ate. 

She smiled at it, thinking it was another tourist and said, "Hi there! My name is Mrs. Gold. So which kid is yours?"

The dinosaur pointed to a baby dinosaur that was eating the brain of the arcade's clerk.

"How sweet!" she said, smiling.

"Mrs. Gold!" called out Tom, pointing to the game, which, thanks to Tord, now had a bullet hole in its screen, "The game's broken!"

"Move onto a new one, you two!" said Mrs. Gold. 

"Hey mum!" called out Edd as he and Matt ran up to Mrs. Gold with a large sum of tickets in their hands, "We have enough tickets to get a prize! Maybe now we can have a souvenir for the last day at Bendeeland!"

"Certainly Edd!" said Mrs. Gold.

The group headed over to the prize counter, where the clerk was a grumpy looking Ceratosaurus zombie. It glared at the little group with a sharp-toothed growl before Edd handed it the tickets.

"We'll take your best prize, please!"

The Ceratosaurus blinked. It ended up taking the tickets and handing Edd a tiny finger puppet, smiling at him expectantly.

Edd proceeded to burn the arcade down as the group left for the rollercoaster.

\----

Edd jumped up and down with excitement as the group stood in line, waiting for the waiting hours to shorten. Tom tapped his foot impatiently, while Matt chatted with Tord (who just listened). Mrs. Gold took notice of the wait time slowly and then rapidly starting to reduce until eventually it became zero. What she _didn't_ know was the fact that this was because there were zombie dinosaurs eating people.

"Looks like it's our turn, Edd!" said Mrs. Gold.

"YAAAY!" called out Edd, running to the front of the line.

Edd sat next to his mom while Tom sat next to Tord. Matt sat next to a dinosaur that stowed away in the seat next to him. The dinosaur was ready to pounce, sealing Matt's fate...when suddenly the coaster started going, throwing the poor dinosaur backwards and forcing it to cling to the back of the car. The boys and Edd's mother screamed with delight while the dinosaur just screamed. Eventually, the dinosaur, being a zombie, was thrown off the car, leaving its rotting arms behind. And this occurred right as a photo was taken of the group riding.

"OH MY GOD!" said Matt, staring in horror at the photo of the group, with the dinosaur flying off in the background, "I was blinking! Can we ride again?"

"Ye-" began Edd, but Tom covered his mouth.

\----

As the day started to end, the boys and Edd's mother all sat together at the food area. By this point, the park was mostly deserted and there were no lines at the food stands. There were, of course, zombie dinosaurs running around causing trouble. 

"Hey mum?" asked Edd, taking a bite out of some candy floss.

"Yes honey?"

"Are things looking kind of...strange to you?"

"Hmm...Now that you think of it, there are a lot of large, strange looking chicken-people running around today..."

"THIS IS MY HOT DOG!" shouted Matt, from afar, "Get your own!"

Edd and his mother turned to see Matt looking angrily at a growling raptor zombie. 

"He looks kinda hungry," said Tom, "can't you just give him a bite?"

"No! It's mine!" said Matt.

"Selvopptatt." smirked Tord.

"I am NOT selfish!" shouted Matt as the raptor sneered and bit the hot dog in half and ran off, prompting a panicked reaction from Matt, Tord and Tom. Edd and his mother both ran over to them as more of the dinosaurs started to arrive.

"What's going on here?" asked Edd.

"You know," said Tom, "I'm starting to think that these people aren't tourists or patrons at all...they look more like..."

He narrowed his eye sockets and looked into a growing crowd of zombified extinct reptiles...and then, he made the realization...

"GASP! Guys! I think these are dinosaurs! ZOMBIE dinosaurs!"

Everyone gasped.

"You know maybe I should've figured that out a little sooner..." said Mrs. Gold.

The group started to realize too late that they were surrounded.

"What are we gonna do!?" asked Matt.

Tord paused, then pulled out a large gun from his pocket.

"Ah! Good idea Tord!" said Edd, "Now blast those undead lizards!"

Tord nodded with a smirk before opening fire. The dinosaurs were subdued...for a moment...

"They're getting up!" shouted Tom.

"Quickly, this way!" called out Mrs. Gold, pointing to a janitor's closet, guarded by the rotting corpse of the janitor.

"Excuse me, sir!" said Matt, shoving the janitor's corpse aside before opening the closet for the others and running in himself.

"What are we gonna do now?" asked Edd.

"Tord," asked Mrs. Gold, "do you still have your guns?"

Tord stared at his gun and said "No ammo."

"WHAT!?" said Tom, "Great! We're gonna die here!"

"Eduardo will be so happy!" said Matt, smiling.

"No," said Edd, "we can get through this! We just need a plan! Now think guys: In zombie movies and games, what do people usually do when they run out of guns?"

"Usually, they use whatever they can get!" said Tom, "Including household items!"

"Where are we gonna get those?" asked Matt.

There was a pause and the group looked around to see the endless amount of supplies around them.

\----

The team all emerged from the janitor's closet, each brandishing a weapon; Edd had a mop; Tom had a shovel; Matt had a cymbal banging monkey; Tord had a fork and knife; Edd's mother had a rake.

Standing before them was an army of various zombified dinosaurs; carnivores, herbivores, a sea of scales, feathers and teeth all glaring at the group. And towering over them all was a fearsome looking zombie T. rex with a crown upon its head. The ferocious King of Dinosaurs glowered down at Edd, his friends and his mother, but none of them were deterred. They would fight these zombies and they would stop them. 

"Count of three," said Edd, "One...two...THREEEEE!"

"ROAAAAAAR!!!" declared the king dinosaur, prompting his zombie army to attack.

With that, the battle had begun! Edd swung the mop, hitting a Deinonychus and a Pachycephalosaurus that both ran at him at the same time. Tom lept onto an Ankylosaurus and sliced its head off with the shovel, before doing the same to an advancing Carnotaurus. Matt chucked his cymbal playing monkey at a flock of Pteranodons soaring towards him, causing it to explode and kill them. Tord stabbed his fork and knife into a Parasaurolophus' eyes as Mrs. Gold slashed at a Dilophosaurus with her rake.

"You're doing great, honey!" called out Mrs. Gold to her son as she slashed at a Triceratops.

Edd looked up to see a Pteranodon flying towards his mother and immediately leaped up to help her.

"MUM LOOK OUT!" he said, jumping up and slamming his mop onto the zombified pterosaur's head, crushing it.

"Phew! Thank you, dear, that was close!"

"GUYS!"

They turned to see Tom, Matt and Tord standing in a circle as more dinosaurs surrounded them. It was Tom who had called out.

"There's too many of them! What do we do now!?"

"I...I don't know!" said Edd, "Tord?"

Tord looked around nervously, seeing the T. rex king sneering and chuckling at them...then he made a realization and smiled.

"Brenn dem alle." said Tord.

"What?" asked Tom, confused.

"Tord, that's a brilliant idea!" said Edd, "We'll BURN those dinosaurs!"

Tord smirked and led everyone in slashing through the army of dinosaurs to get to a supply area. The T. rex looked angrily at them, trying to stomp towards them to stop them, smashing through the supply closet, growling furiously. The boys and Edd's mother stared at the creature, holding several giant canisters of gasoline while Matt held a set of matches with an evil grin.

The T. rex bellowed with rage as the Edd, Tom and Mrs. Gold drenched the area with massive amounts of gasoline and Matt lit the match. 

The T. rex then blew on Matt's match.

Matt lit another and the T. rex blew on it.

Eventually, an irritated Tom grabbed the matches, lit one and dropped it before everyone made a run for it. The T. rex roared with rage again as the fire spread and began to burn all the undead dinosaurs alive...or undead...or something...

Fortunately, the boys and Edd's mother fled to the front gate and stood together, breathing heavily.

"Is everyone okay?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"Yes!" said Edd.

"I think so..." said Tom.

"Ja." said Tord.

"Uh-huh!" said Matt.

"Okay, good..." said Mrs. Gold. The group looked at the smouldering remains of the park, now nothing but ashes.

"Well," said Edd, sighing, "looks like Bendeeland really is gone for good now."

"Oh Edd," said Mrs. Gold, "there will be other theme parks."

"It was a really fun adventure, though!" said Tom, smiling.

"Indubitably!" said Matt, "I hope we have more adventures like that!"

"Ja," said Tord, "adventure."

Edd smiled.

"I hope so too," he said, nodding, "it was fun!"

"Here," said Mrs. Gold, pulling out a camera, "let's take a nice picture for the road! Line up, everyone!" 

Edd, Tom, Matt and Tord all lined up together in front of the burnt remains of Bendeeland, standing together with their arms around their shoulders. Just as Mrs. Gold took a picture, the T. rex zombie emerged, still alive/undead, and smiled as it photobombed the picture...a picture that was now being viewed by Tord and Mrs. Gold...

\----

Back in the present day, Mrs. Gold smiled at Tord.

"And then we were chased around for hours until the government killed the T. rex zombie," she said, closing the photo album, "it was the very first adventure you four had."

Tord paused, then smiled somewhat nostalgically.

"I...I think I do remember..."

He turned away.

"Tord, are...are you crying?"

"No!" said Tord, blushing and hiding his face with his robotic arm, "I'm fine...look, I'm...I'm gonna go back to sleep, okay?"

"Certainly, Tord," said Mrs. Gold standing up and preparing to leave, "Edd and I will likely check up on you later."

Tord didn't answer, but made sure that he didn't show his face to Edd's mother.

A tear slid down his face and he sniffled.

\----

"So how was it?" asked Edd, looking at his mother.

"I think it went well," said Mrs. Gold, sitting down next to him, "Tord and I talked about a little incident from your childhoods."

"Which one?" asked Tom.

"Your first adventure."

"I remember that!" said Matt, ecstatically, "The time with all the zombie dinosaurs at Bendeeland!"

"Bendeeland?" said Tom, looking confused.

"The theme park that ASDFland replaced." said Edd, "Did he say anything about it?"

"No, but I think he liked reminiscing about it."

Edd smiled. Tom would've rolled his eyes if he had any. Matt giggled.

"That's a good sign, at least," said Edd, before he turned to his mother and said, "well, mom, you wanna head home now?"

"No, Edd," said Mrs. Gold, smiling, "if Tord needs help, then I might as well stay while his leg and arm are healing! And I'll be willing to help take care of you and your friend!" 

Edd sighed as Tom and Matt both chuckled at him.

"Fiiiine," said Edd, "I'll make up the guest room..."

"Wonderful!" said his mother, "In the meantime, who wants to see some of Edd's baby pictures?"

"We do!" said Tom and Matt.

"MOOOOOOOOOM!"

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of Norwegian (and Dutch) text:
> 
> In Tord's flashback:
> 
> Tord (in Norwegian): Paul, what are you doing?
> 
> Paul (in Dutch): Smoking.
> 
> Tord: No Paul! You'll burn the house down!
> 
> Paul: Would you relax? It's perfectly safe. OH GOD I DROPPED THE CIGARETTE!!!!
> 
> Tord: I WARNED YOU! NOW WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!
> 
> Lines from the rest of the fic:
> 
> "Takk skal du ha."="Thank you."
> 
> "Selvopptatt."="Selfish."
> 
> "Brenn dem alle."="Burn them all."
> 
> "Ja."="Yes."
> 
> And yes, I used Google Translate for all of them, because of course I did.


	8. Fanservice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH, thank god I finished this one at last! Sadly this might lead to another hiatus.
> 
> Not only have I been dealing with more writer's block for this one (this chapter was gonna be a Saloonatics continuation but I couldn't think of a good story for it, so I scrapped that idea), but I'm also suffering from Plot Bunnies for other fics, including a couple Eddsworld Hogwarts AUs and a Godzilla fic that has nothing to do with Eddsworld. And also some more My Hero Academia related things. I DO wanna publish the Hogwarts AUs and Godzilla fic, btw, but the Godzilla fic could potentially be a problem for this fic, as that'd make two multi-chaptered epics being written at the same time. If anyone has suggestions for me, let me know.
> 
> Also, regardless of that, the length it took for me to finish this one may lead to another long wait for the next chapter. I'm terribly sorry for that. For now, enjoy this one!

Tord awoke the next day to the smell of food. Sure enough, there was once again a plate of breakfast foods. No bacon this time (they must've run out), instead there was some toast and eggs, with a glass of orange juice next to it. As he sighed and took some from the plate, he took notice of his most recent caretaker...one he couldn't recognize.

He was a tall man, probably a little taller than Matt, and had blond hair. Like Matt, he had a formidable chin, but unlike Matt, he had a noticeable cleft in that chin.He was wearing a purple turtleneck and his eyes were diligently scanning a copy of "How To Pretend You're Reading". He didn't look at Tord as he turned one of the pages.

"Hello?" asked Tord, looking at him.

No response.

"May I ask who's looking after me this time?"

The man simply sat there, still reading. Or perhaps pretending to read. 

After not getting an answer from him again, Tord decided to ask a different question.

"Where are my other caretakers?"

The man said nothing, at first, but then said, in a posh sounding British accent, "Edd and his mother are grocery shopping. Tom is visiting some friends. Matt's still babysitting your little friend from the army."

Tord shrugged before slumping back into the bed, sitting there in awkward silence as the man just continued to...read?

"Can I ask for your name?"

The man looked up at him, raised an eyebrow and then said...

"It's Mark."

Tord looked at him. Mark had simply lowered his eyes to look back at his book.

"Are we going to talk or-"

"No."

Tord paused, then spoke again.

"Why not?"

Mark said nothing. He just sat there whilst still reading his book.

Tord didn't know why, but he got the feeling that this man hated him.

"May I at least ask why you are looking after me?"

There was another pause.

"Edd asked." Mark said, at last, "I only said yes because apparently no one else wanted to do it. And honestly, I didn't want to either."

So that confirmed Tord's suspicion that this man did, in fact, hate him. 

"So I take it we won't be having any conversations?"

"I'm under no obligation to talk to you after what you did." 

"And what did I do to _you?_ "

In response to this question, Mark gave Tord a look that made him feel an emotion he hadn't felt in ages...fear. It was a look of pure, deep unadulterated loathing, with a clear hint of rage. He glared at Tord with such a hateful rage for ten seconds before turning back to his book and not saying anything more.

Tord continued to eat his breakfast in silence, only to jump a little upon hearing Mark speak again.

"Edd should've let Eduardo kill you."

Mark remained silent for the rest of their time together.

He didn't even look at Tord.

\----

A few hours later, Edd and his mother returned with the groceries, Matt and Paul helping them carry the bags. 

"Mark," called out Edd, "We're back!"

Mark exited Edd's room with a neutral look on his face.

"Finally," he said, "need anymore help?"

"No dear," said Mrs. Gold, smiling at Mark, "we've got it!"

"So how was Tord?" asked Edd, unloading the groceries with his mother and Matt, while Paul stealthily skulked back to Matt's room, "also, did Tom come back from his friends' place?"

"The murderer was quiet for most of the day," said Mark, "and no, Tom hasn't come back yet."

"Must you call him that?"

"You want me to forget that Jon is a ghost because of your friend?"

Edd sighed before saying "Well, thanks for looking after him, anyway."

"No problem, Edd," said Mark, "but don't expect me to do it again."

With that, Mark left as Edd headed over to the room to check up on Tord.

Tord was lying in the bed, looking a bit shocked.

"Hey Tord," said Edd, "you okay?"

"Kind of..." said Tord.

"I take it you didn't have the best experience with Mark?"

Tord didn't answer. Edd chuckled and sat down on the bed.

"Want me to check your casts?"

"No," said Tord, "but I'm fairly positive that you won't give me a choice."

Edd smiled a little and started doing exactly that. 

"It's looking okay right now," said Edd, smiling, "they might be ready to come off soon!"

"It's only been a week and a half. And it typically takes four weeks for broken limbs to heal."

"Okay Mr. Smartypants," said Edd smirking at Tord, "in any case, you'll be better soon. You need anything?"

"No." Tord lied as he turned away, "I'm fine."

Edd looked at him. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes, now leave."

Edd rolled his eyes and left. As he exited, he said:

"I'll get you dinner later, okay?"

Tord said nothing. He just sat there, letting the old feeling of powerlessness return.

He hated that feeling.

He hated what it reminded him of.

...

He hated his old self.

\----

"Paul's really good at this!" said Matt, holding up a picture Paul drew of him, "He really captured my paintiness!"

"Indeed he did," said Mrs. Gold, happily, "someone should tell that boy he has a talent!"

"Hey there guys," said Edd, "what are you doing?"

"Looking at this picture Paul made of me! How's Tord?"

"Still grumpy as ever. His limbs are healing, though."

"Well that's great, dear!" said Mrs. Gold, "So anything you wanna do now?"

"I'm gonna get started on dinner, you two wanna help?"

"Of course." said Mrs. Gold.

"Sure!" said Matt.

As they headed into the kitchen to get started, Tom stumbled into the apartment with a lampshade on his head, rips and burns on his hoodie and his pants noticeably missing.

"WOW that Ben knows how to party! It's a good job that Lucy had a fire extinguisher handy or else Kate would've doomed us all."

"There was a fire at your party!?" asked Mrs. Gold, looking concerned.

"What? No. Don't be ridiculous." said Tom, causing Mrs. Gold to look a little confused, "So how's Sunshine Lollipops?"

Edd didn't answer and just continued to make the food.

"That bad, huh?"

"I asked Mark to look after him while we went grocery shopping."

"Oh great, so Tord's dead then?"

"He's fine," said Edd, "though he and Mark didn't get along well."

"Maybe we ought to have him be looked after by Jon nex-"

"No Matt!" said Edd, "Let's not do that right now..."

"Why?" asked Mrs. Gold, "What happened to Jon?"

Edd sighed sadly and didn't answer.

"I'M gonna look after him next time. Wanna help us with dinner, Tom?"

"Sure, but first I'm gonna head back to my apartment and put on some pants."

"Thank god," joked Edd. Matt giggled and Mrs. Gold rolled her eyes.

\----

Once the food was made, Edd headed into his room to give Tord his dinner, while Matt continued looking at the picture Paul drew of him.

"Oh yeah! Lookin' goooooooood!"

Mrs. Gold watched this as Tom entered, now wearing pants.

"I forget, Tom, has Matt always been this in love with himself?"

"Yes." said Tom, as Edd re-entered the room, "Did Tord not want his dinner?"

"He's asleep," said Edd, sitting down to eat, "I'll let him eat it tomorrow."

"You know what I think, Edd?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"What?" asked Edd.

"I think you should keep him company tonight."

"Wha?" asked Edd, looking surprised, "What do you mean?"

"If you want to help him out, maybe you should be there for him. Maybe he'll be more likely to open up if you do so."

"But I have been doing that."

"Not from what I've heard," said Mrs. Gold, setting her glass down, "you've mostly just been watching him while he rests, trying to talk to him for a few minutes or so, then leaving him alone for a bit. Maybe right now, Tord just needs someone to talk to."

"Sounds like a stretch," said Tom, shrugging, "but we've tried nearly everything _else_ so maybe."

Edd paused, then smiled and said.

"You know what...I'll go ahead and do that!"

\----

Tord awoke with a start as he turned to look at Edd, who had slipped into the bed and was now hugging his waist. He was wearing his usual "Smeg Head" t-shirt and blue pajama pants.

"Hey Tord!" said Edd, smiling, "You can go back to sleep, I'm just gonna sleep here with you!"

"What!? No! Get out of my bed!"

"Actually, this is MY bed. And I'm not budging! Mum said that it was a good idea for me to spend more time with you in order to rehabilitate you!"

Tord groaned, but then sighed.

"Oh well, at least it's not-"

"Hey guys," said Tom, who entered wearing a pair of checkerboard boxers and clambered into the bed next to Edd. 

"NO! Get out of the bed, Tom!"

"No way. I'm not letting you corrupt Edd, so I'm gonna stay here with you guys tonight."

Tord gritted his teeth.

"Urgh, at least it can't get any worse..."

"Is this a sleepover!?" asked Matt, entering in his "I Heart M@" shirt and a pair of shorts, "I LOVE SLEEPOVERS!"

"NO!"

Matt promptly jumped into the bed happily, prompting a large amount of angry noises from Tord.

"I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP PEACEFULLY!" Tord bellowed, "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS TORMENT!?"

"You want the short list or the long?" asked Tom.

"Shh!" said Edd, smiling, "Let's just sleep!"

Tord grumbled angrily, but eventually, he and all the other boys fell asleep.

Mrs. Gold entered quietly, tucked the four of them in, and gave her son a kiss on the forehead and said...

"Goodnight boys."

...before leaving, closing the door behind her.

\----

Paul lay on the small cot in Matt's apartment that he had been sleeping in for a while, doodling in a sketchpad before realizing that Matt wasn't coming back. 

And his bed was free.

"Jackpot!" Paul said.

With that, Paul jumped into Matt's bed, grinning before drifting off to sleep.

To be continued...


	9. The Dudettes Next Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW! Another chapter down! I'm getting a bit better! Here's hoping the next one won't take this long. In the meantime, I might end up posting other things just to keep things fresh so I don't have to stress out over this story as much! The next thing I post may end up being another fic unrelated to WHT.

Tord awoke the next morning with Edd still clinging to his side. Matt was snoring loudly, Tom appeared to be absent.

 _"Huh,"_ thought Tord, _"no nightmares this time?"_

"Breakfast."

Tom entered with a very large tray of food. More food than usual this time, almost certainly to accommodate all four of them. Each was placed on a color-coded plate; a green one with a lot of bacon, eggs, a bowl of delicious Eddsworld Cereal, available now at a store near you, and a can of cola next to it; a purple one, with the same stuff as the green one, only with less bacon, some French toast in place of the cereal and a glass of milk; a blue one with waffles, cereal and a bacon sandwich with a glass of what appeared to be alcohol; finally there was a red plate with a single piece of toast on it.

"The red one's yours." said Tom with a smirk.

"I gathered, asshole."

"You're welcome," Tom added, still grinning, "by the way, Edd's mum left with Paul; they went to get coffee."

Tord simply nodded. There was a yawn and Edd stirred next to him.

"Morning Tord!" said Edd, brightly, "I see Tom brought us breakfast!"

"Yes. The green one is yours."

"Thanks Tom!"

Tom just nodded as he took a swig from his glass.

"Shall we wake Matt up?" asked Tord, glancing at the still snoring Matt.

"He'll be out for a while," said Edd, laughing, "you want some bacon, Tord?"

"You have to ask?"

"Oh, Tord," said Tom, a smile that Tord absolutely did not like suddenly appearing on his face, "before she left, Edd's mum brought something special for you."

Tord raised an eyebrow.

"And what exactly is it?"

"I'll go get it."

With that, Tom left and Tord rolled his good eye. Edd simply smiled.

"I see you look well rested, Edd."

"You do too, for once! We've all woken up early, just like the old days."

"Yeah...sure..."

"I'm back!"

Edd and Tord turned to see Tom smiling like a Cheshire cat as he pushed a wheelchair in. Tord only had one thing to say in response...

"FU-"

\----

"Oh Paul," said Mrs. Gold as she and Paul sat together in a local Starbucks, "it's so nice to see you again! I haven't spoken to you since you were a child!"

"Who are you again?" asked Paul.

"So how are your parents? Are they still Dutch?"

"Yes."

"Oh that's great! You know you always used to run around with those weird burning lollipops in your mouth..."

"They were cigarettes. I was smoking."

"Oh look! Our drinks are here!"

A young man arrived, carrying the drink orders. 

"Your order's up-"

"Patryck!?"

The man's eyes widened as he looked down at Paul. Mrs. Gold looked surprised.

"P-Paul!?"

"You two know each other?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"He used to be my partner in the arRRRRRGH!"

Patryck had poured Paul's (VERY hot) drink into Paul's lap.

"And he's also my step-brother..." Paul continued, covering his burning crotch in pain.

"Well nice to meet you Patryck!" said Mrs. Gold, shaking Patryck's hand.

"Nice to meet you too, ma'am. I notice you have the same last name as Tord's former friend Edd...are you related to him?"

"I'm his mother," she said, smiling, "I simply wanted to talk to Paul since he's been staying with Edd and his friends."

"So," said Paul, looking up at his former partner, "you're working here now?"

"Temporarily," said Patryck, "and I don't want you to breathe even a single word of my time in the army to anyone around here!"

"Whatever," said Paul, "but why?"

"That part of my life is over," said Patryck, "I don't want to look back on it. I just want to live my life on my own terms."

"I suppose that's fair," said Paul, shrugging, "it's not like there's anywhere else we can go..."

"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"Our army dissolved a long time ago."

\----

Tord stewed angrily as Edd pushed his wheelchair, having decided to take him outside with Tom and Matt by their sides. Despite it being somewhat warm out, Tord had his hood pulled over his face to keep anyone from recognizing him. Partly because he was a wanted criminal, mostly because being in this position was humiliating for him.

"Why are we doing this again?" groaned Tord.

"I thought you needed some fresh air!" said Edd, smiling.

"And maybe you'll be recognized and arrested!" said Tom.

"And we can go shopping for more toys for my collection!" shouted Matt.

"Matt, we didn't say anything about-"

"Oh look! It's Head!"

Edd had been interrupted by the sight of a familiar blond man wearing a black T-shirt with a skull on it. Tord recognized him as Hellucard.

"'Ey Head!" said Hellucard, smiling and waving at Edd.

Edd ignored him, as per usual. Tord just leaned back, still stewing.

"I just don't understand how this is supposed to help."

"Getting out more is usually good for your health in general." said Tom.

"I KNOW that!" said Tord, "But it doesn't typically work for a _broken leg!_ "

Tom just shrugged with a smirk as he pulled out his phone.

"Anyone wanna catch Pokemon with me?"

"ME! ME! ME!" said Matt.

"Anyone ELSE wanna catch Pokemon with me?"

"I will later, Tom," said Edd, "Tord, you have a phone?"

"Not with me, no. And I don't have that dumb Pokemon game on it."

"Wow, rude," said Edd, "c'mon, we can do this in the park."

Tord was parked next to a tree, giving him some shade. Matt sat down and pulled snacks and things out of his bag, handing a bottle of cola to Edd before pulling out his phone before running over to Tom. Edd sat down and pulled a book out of his bag.

"Here, Tord," said Edd, handing the book to Tord, "figured you'd get bored, so you might like something to read!"

Tord looked at the book. It was large, dusty and had the words "The Diary of Edward Gold" on it.

"Your diary?"

"No, the diary another person! I found it in the Museum once and according to the people there, it _kiiiinda_ belongs to my family, so I'm allowed to borrow it every now and then. It's actually pretty interesting!"

Tord rolled his eye and watched as Edd sat down and helped him open the book. 

"This is the part I first read," said Edd, "it's about Edward rescuing a prince from bandits with the help of a sheriff."

"Sounds like a work of pure fantasy." said Tord.

Edd just chuckled. They sat by the tree together. Tord, against his better judgement, decided to look through the diary anyway. The story features the Detective and the Sheriff making a deal that if the Sheriff could clean up the crappy dustbowl town of Spitbucket USA, he'd help him save the Prince. There was also a barkeep who had a name Tord didn't want to repeat.

"OH MY GOD IT'S A QUAGSIRE!"

Tord looked up to see Tom excitedly fixating his eye sockets on his phone. Edd had looked up at him and called out to him.

"Tom, don't you have like 20 of those?"

"You can never have too many Quagsires!" called out Tom.

Tord shook his head in annoyance and returned to the book. The Detective did ultimately succeed at fixing the town...by drinking cola. Tord chuckled. This man was almost certainly related to Edd. This evidently prompted the Sheriff to agree to help him save the prince. Once again, the day is saved by cola and the Prince proceeded to claim he did the whole thing himself to a pair of giggling young women.

Tord flipped to the next page and discovered something...interesting...

There was a sketch of the Detective, the Sheriff and the Prince, along with a man Tord assumed was the Barkeep, all standing together.

They looked like Edd, Tom and Matt...and the Barkeep looked like...

"Hey," said Matt's voice, "is that Kim and Katya?"

"WHAT!?" screamed Tord, panicked as he slammed the book shut.

"Hey, yeah!" said Edd, "You guys wanna invite them to hang out?"

"Sure!" said Matt.

"Whatever-" began Tom.

"NO!" shouted Tord.

"Why not?" asked Edd, looking surprised, "I'd assume you'd be the most eagar to see them again!"

"No!" said Tord, nervously, "I mean, yes, I suppose, but they...they seem pretty busy right now! We shouldn't disturb them!"

"They're literally just standing there." said Tom.

"Come on," said Edd, "let's talk to them!"

Tord wanted to protest again, but Edd started to push the wheelchair forward while Tord, to Tom's surprise, looked frightened.

"Hey Kim!" called out Edd, "Katya!"

"Huh? Oh, Edd! Hey!" called out Kim, "Hi Tom, Matt!"

"Hello, ladies." said Tom, smiling.

"Hi!" said Matt.

"Hmm? Who's this?" asked Katya, looking at Tord in surprise.

"It's Tord!" said Edd.

"What?" asked an alarmed Kim, "Tord?"

"Say hi, Tord," said Edd, "you don't have to show your scars, just say hello!"

Tord reluctantly looked up and said "H-Hey there Kim, Katya..."

"Tord?" asked Kim, kneeling down to look at him, "Oh my gosh, what happened to you?"

"Well," said Tom, "he blew up-"

"MY LABORATORY!" shouted Tord, "I-It was an accident in my laboratory! I was working on something and it exploded!"

Kim and Katya looked at him.

"Are you okay?" asked Katya.

"Yes, yes, I fixed my face and replaced my arm with a prosthetic!"

"Did the explosion break your arm and leg too?"

"Well actually-" began Matt, but he was interrupted by Tord as well.

"NO! That was a...a car accident."

Tord chuckled nervously. Kim didn't look completely convinced by the story. Katya simply looked concerned. 

"Well...as long as you're okay," said Kim, patting him on the head, "it's been a while since we've seen each other!"

"Yeah..." said Tord. Edd couldn't help but notice that Tord seemed a little guilty upon saying that.

"You guys wanna hang out with us?" asked Matt.

"Thank you, but sadly we can't," said Katya, smiling as she leaned on Kim's arm, "we were just on our way to Kim's job interview!"

"Getting a job in the neighborhood," said Kim, "bringing Katya along for luck."

She leaned over and kissed Katya on the cheek.

"Well good luck!" said Edd, smiling.

"...Yeah..." said Tord, sadly, "good luck."

"We'll see you boys later!" called out Kim as the two left.

"Bye!" said Katya.

Edd, Matt and Tord all waved the two goodbye while Tom looked down at Tord. As soon as the two were gone, Tom slapped him upside the head.

"Why did you lie to them?" he asked.

Tord turned away.

"Tord," said Edd, "is there something you wanna talk about?"

"If I don't wanna tell you about stuff, why would I tell them?"

"He's got a point," said Matt, shrugging.

Tom raised an eyebrow. Edd wanted to say something, but was interrupted.

"EDD!" said Mrs. Gold's voice, "Hello, Edd!"

"Mum!" called out Edd, smiling as he turned to wave at his mother.

Mrs. Gold had arrived with Paul, who just looked bored.

"Are we having a picnic here?" asked Mrs. Gold.

"Of course!" said Edd, "Come on!"

As Edd, Matt, Paul and Mrs. Gold started setting up the picnic blanket, Tom turned to look at Tord.

"You can't keep your secrets forever, you know." he said, as he pushed Tord over to the others.

Tord paused. Then, he spoke, more to himself than to Tom.

"I know."

To be continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Patryck being step-brothers in this fic is meant to be a jab at Paultryck. No offense to people who ship it, but out of respect for the people they're based on, I really can't ship it myself.
> 
> Also, Tom's excitement over catching a Quagsire and the fact that he already has a bunch of them is a reference to how Quagsire is apparently the real Tomska's favorite Pokemon!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how often I'll update this. I hope to finish it, of course, but as you all already probably know, I'm not good at keeping those promises.


End file.
